For starters, the title is perfect, since Barker has always been known as the man of few words, at least compared to his other band members. (Of course, Blink-182 is kind of in purgatory right now, but whatevs.)
Two days ago, Barker shared this pic on Instagram, showing some of the chapter titles of the book-to-be.
Since most of them are hard to read, we decided to come up with 10 things that should totally be in Barker's book, but probably (definitely) won't be.
A collection of Travis Barker making really weird faces.
In most photos you see of him, Barker is usually just straight-facing the camera. No teeth, no smile. He doesn't look angry, but he's not showing off his personality, either. However, if you check out his kids' Instagram accounts, you get to see another side of him — the fun dad side.
An entire chapter dedicated to #TBT pics.
More bowl cuts, more power. Barker isn't a big Throwback Thursday kind of guy, but he's posted a couple over the years. If they're all adorable as this one, then PLEASE share them in the book. Baby Travis = adorable x infinity.
Rules for a drinking game using Barker's favorite hashtags.
Popular entries include: #RadTimes, #NobodyCaresGoHarder, #DrumsDrumsDrums and, of course, #FamilyOverEverything. (Note: This pic is also a great contender for the Travis Barker weird faces idea we mentioned. Just sayin'.)
A detailed instruction manual on how to twirl drumsticks like a MF boss.
Complete with graphs, statistics, and links to YouTube how-to videos. Please and thank you.
A heartfelt note to Gwyneth Paltrow that she and her daughter Apple have absolutely nothing on him and his son Landon.
TWINS. For real, though.
A section titled, "Real Talk With Travis Barker."
It'll basically function like a readable "Oprah" episode, where Barker tells it like it is, and that's the end of that.
An "In Your Face" chapter about how Barker's kids are radder than anyone else's kids.
Seriously, Landon and Alabama Barker are two of the most badass kids ever.
A detailed ranking of which rides at Disneyland are the best and why.
*Fingers crossed the Matterhorn Bobsleds makes #1*
A 1,000-word essay comparing and contrasting these two works.
But really, I wanna know.
Photoshopping a black and white "Where's Waldo?" tattoo somewhere on Barker's body.
First one to find it and tell him on Twitter gets a signed drumstick. Yes? Yeeeeesss?
Real talk, though. We're all super stoked for Barker's new book, and can't wait to read it this October. You can pre-order it now on Amazon today!