9 Revolutionary War Hotties We'd Like To Join Or Die

1776? More like seventeen seventy-sexy.

Thanks to our American public school education, we know that the Revolutionary War was a time of uncertainty. A time of violent struggle. A time for an infant nation to liberate itself at last from the oppression of the crown.

And thanks to "TURN: Washington's Spies," we also know that it was a time of unbearably attractive men cavorting through forests and farmlands, sneaking intelligence across enemy lines and trying to stab each other with bayonets.

To celebrate our nation's birthday, we've assembled this list of all the hotties of "TURN," from American spies to English soldiers (because just 'cause they were on the wrong side of history, that doesn't mean they weren't still super cute.) Errbody, wave your tiny flags for...

  1. Benedict Arnold (Owain Yeoman)

    When he's not acting like a petulant, entitled traitor, Benedict has a certain manly appeal. Unfortunately, he acts like a petulant, entitled traitor pretty much all the time, so he gets the bottom of the list.

  2. Major Hewlett (Burn Gorman)

    Yes, he's a Brit, and yes, he's a prissy buffoon, but he does look very pretty in a powdered wig.

  3. John Simcoe (Samuel Roukin)

    Villain alert! But hey, if you can get past the part where he's a sadistic psycopath who talks like he's always on the verge of bursting into evil laughter, this redcoat-turned-Queen's Guardsman is undeniably one tall, chiseled hunk of human.

  4. Caleb Brewster (Daniel Henshall)

    Lumbersexuals, we've got you covered.

  5. Ben Talmadge (Seth Numrich)

    General Washington's right-hand man is a canny, loyal military leader with the world's most beautiful, soft cheeks that we'd like to pat.

  6. General George Washington (Ian Kahn)

    Father of our nation, or as we like to call him, America's DILF.

  7. Jordan (Aldis Hodge)

    His loyalties are murky, but his face is perfection.

  8. Abraham Woodhull (Jamie Bell)

    Although he spent most of "TURN"'s most recent season sporting a truly unfortunate beard, this simple farmer-turned-espionage expert is one sexy patriot spy. God Bless America!

  9. John André (J.J. Feild)

    Look, the English might ultimately lose the Revolutionary War, but victory is theirs in this Battle for Supreme Sexiness thanks to John André: a man so delicious that he actually makes a teensy braided rat-tail look good. Gaze upon him with the same awe you would a 4th of July fireworks display ... and try not to think about what's going to happen to him when America wins.