Frank Ockenfels / Warner Bros. / Delivered by Online USA

47 Reasons Salem From 'Sabrina The Teenage Witch' Is Your Spirit Animal

His interests include eating pizza and taking over the world.

Before Alex Russo (Selena Gomez) bewitched us on Disney Channel's "The Wizards of Waverly Place," there was Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart). "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," a TV show based on a comic book series under the same name, blessed small screens everywhere from 1996 to 2003.

Sabrina is a 16-year-old witch living in Massachusetts with her two aunts, Hilda and Zelda, and her pet cat, Salem Saberhagen. Except Salem isn't actually a cat. Or at least, he wasn't always a furry feline. Once upon a time, he was a witch too. But then he tried to embrace his inner villain and take over the entire world. Not cool, right?

That's what the Witch's Council thought, so they punished him by transforming his human self into a talking cat forevermore. (And when we say forever, we mean forever. We bet there's a "Sabrina" rerun playing on some channel somewhere in the world right this very second.)

Throughout the series, Salem is like a talking version of the internet's beloved Grumpy Cat. Salem whines, he eats, he grumbles, he parties and then he eats some more. We love him because he just gets it, y'know? Whatever you're thinking or feeling on the inside, Salem's the cat who will say it loud 'n' proud to the entire world. Here's why you can't get enough of this famous black cat:

  1. He knows his purpose in life
  2. He says exactly what's on his mind
  3. He's experienced heartbreak
  4. He's persuasive
  5. His sarcasm is on point
  6. He looooves food
  7. Like REALLY loves food
  8. He eats his feelings...
  9. ...like, every feeling. Good or bad.
  10. *nom nom nom*
  11. Seriously, we need a pizza in here, stat

    Salem is HANGRY.

  12. He appreciates a good bubble bath
  13. He puts up with Sabrina's bullsh-t
  14. He was the original Catfish
  15. He spends a lot of time thinking about the deep stuff
  16. He's ambitious in a harmless way...
  17. ...and ambitious in an evil way
  18. He knows how to impress the ladies
  19. He can save you from a fire

    Or at least, he looks like he can. Salem should befriend these fearless felines that rule New York City's firehouses.

  20. He lives life on the edge...
  21. ...but he's not afraid to show his emotions
  22. He has big weekend plans
  23. He enjoys beverages with paper umbrellas
  24. He does girl talk
  25. He has personal space issues
  26. He takes time to reflect upon himself
  27. He has regrets
  28. He gets lonely sometimes
  29. He makes dumb mistakes...
  30. ...but he learns from them
  31. He went through an angsty teen phase
  32. He makes it rain
  33. He apologizes when necessary
  34. He probs has a sicker ride than you do
  35. He's always prepared for a party
  36. He can play the piano...

    Just look at that bowler hat, would ya?

  37. ...and the accordion...
  38. ...and spin, too!

    He's basically ready to drop the next big track.

  39. He's perfected the evil cackle
  40. He's honest
  41. Like, brutally honest
  42. He understands the bad hair day struggle...
  43. ...and the food baby struggle
  44. He's got big things to do
  45. He falls in loooooove
  46. And most importantly, he knows EXACTLY who he is...
  47. ...a KING!