20th Century Fox/LucasFilm

35 Questions I Had Watching 'The Empire Strikes Back' For The First Time Since I Was A Child

An inquiring mind wants to know.

Before you press "enter" on that Negative Ned comment, know this: yes, I realize that it's ridiculous that, until Tuesday night (May 19), I had not watched the original "Star Wars" trilogy since I was a wee babe. I am a film and television reporter who covers "geek" culture, so this is a major pop culture blind spot that I allowed to grow with time, after a particularly negative experience (I fell asleep in the theater) watching "Attack of the Clones."

But when I heard that Thursday (May 21) was the 35th anniversary of the best "Star Wars" movie, "The Empire Strikes Back," I decided to finally revisit the OG trilogy, and record some of my stream-of-consciousness thoughts (on the second movie, anyway) in the process.

Here's what my strange, jet-lagged brain came up with... and feel free to answer my questions in the comments, since I consider MTV News readers to be my personal Google:

  1. How long ago is it?

    Like, how long a time ago? This is pretty vague. Is it like "that was 20 years ago, what are you an old?" or is it like "millennia?"

  2. How is Luke Skywalker such a big f--king deal already?

    In the first film, no one knows who he is. By film two, three years later -- which he spent in hiding -- he's a big f--king deal. Shouldn't Leia be the one that everybody is after, since they both have the Force, and she has power and title?

  3. Why do the humanoid species of aliens rule the galaxy?

    Seriously, there are so many species we see in the "Star Wars" world... why do they all let the humans rule the galaxy, especially since some of them seem to be undeniably more powerful?

  4. Is Wookie a commonly spoken language?

    ... Or is Han Solo just a really forward-thinking, cultured guy?

  5. Does every planet in this galaxy only contain a single climate?

    Hoth is an ice palace, Tatooine a desert, Dagobah a swamp... did all of the good stuff go to Alderaan?

  6. Were there shippers in the early '80s, and did they fight over Luke/Leia vs Han/Leia?

    God only knows what they'd be like if they'd had Twitter.

  7. Why was C-3P0 programmed with the ability to complain all of the time?

    Who would want a foppish, whiny droid? And why did they give him the ability to lie? He lies to Leia about Luke's chances of being alive!

  8. If the Force is energy, can't you use it to power a ship?

    Can it keep you warm? Turn on the lights? It feels like sky would be the limit, here, but we see Luke nearly freeze to death on Hoth.

  9. How much would it hurt to get blaster-ed?

    Probably a lot, right?

  10. Did PETA get upset when Han wrapped Luke in the dead tauntaun?

    This feels like something they wouldn't like.

  11. Could Leia "feel" that Luke was her brother when she kissed him?

    Meanwhile Queen Cersei's in the corner like, "you do you, girl."

  12. Since Vader can use his Force Choke over a telecomm screen... how far does that power go?

    Can he do it telepathically? Can he do it when he appears as a hologram?

  13. What does Darth Vader's Imperial Fleet bedroom look like?

    Does he even sleep?

  14. What do all of those blaster beams of colorful light actually do?

    Do they only target machinery, or human flesh as well?

  15. Does Han Solo get paid for this?

    I know he got some g's for transporting Luke and Obi-Wan in the first one, but why is he still there beyond his crush on Leia? Doesn't go with his whole scoundrel persona, not that I'm complaning.

  16. Does Leia realize that Han Solo is negging her?

    He does it all the time.

  17. Is the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field really approximately 3,720 to one?

    If so, damn, Han Solo got skills.

  18. How are all of the atmospheres breathable? Has humanity evolved, or figured out how to copy a sustainable planet like in "Firefly?"

    Air is never a problem in "Empire Strikes Back."

  19. Do you get the Force Choke if you walk in on Darth Vader using the bathroom?

    Probably.

  20. Does Yoda invert his sentences just to annoy people?

    Annoying it is. Test one's patience it does.

  21. Is learning the Force really just like a yoga inversions class?

    Meditate. Focus. Don't let your thoughts consume you. Do tons of inversions. Basically, the Force is yoga minus the downward dogs and yoga is the Force minus the moving things with your mind.

  22. Is Yoda fallible?

    I mean, he sure was wrong about Luke not leaving Dagobah to go after Leia and Han -- right?

  23. Are Jamie Lannister and Luke Skywalker reincarnated souls?

    Both lost their sword hands. Both were the children of tyrannical dictators. Both engaged in twincest. Both were created by men named George. Think about it.

  24. Why does the only black guy have to be so shady?

    This question speaks for itself.

  25. Was the Nazi symbolism with the Imperial Fleet intentional?

    Probably.

  26. Why did Obi-Wan disintegrate in "A New Hope" but no one else did in "Empire?"

    This is very, very confusing to me.

  27. Why is Chewie always crying?

    Are the Wookies just an emotional species, or is Chewie just "like that?"

  28. How do you kill a Stormtrooper through all of that armor?

    Leia got some pretty rad shots in.

  29. Do certain lightsaber colors mean different things?

    Don't yell at me, fanboys (and girls). I really want to know.

  30. Do lightsabers cauterize wounds?

    And if so, was this how Lucasfilm avoided showing blood/kept that PG rating?

  31. Why freeze Han?

    There were at least thousands of other people in the Cloud City that Vader could have tested it on.

  32. What's more difficult to put together: an IKEA dresser, or C-3PO?

    I vote the dresser, based on how many times he's been taken apart and put back together.

  33. Is someone making new lightsabers, or are they all hand-me-downs at this point?

    Because Anakin killed all the Jedi, right?

  34. Did it freak people out when Darth Vader became Mufasa in the '90s?

    That must have been weird.

  35. What was it like hearing "Luke, I am your father" in the theater with virgin ears?

    ... Because, being born way later, it was pretty much ruined for me at birth. What was it like to hear it in the days before the Internet; before spoilers?