You’re sipping a Perrier as you read this, because you’re totally thirsty from that ass-kicker of a spin class you took this morning. You’re as basic as they come, and it’s a badge you display in your Kate Spade wallet with honor.
Haters gonna hate, but you follow enough inspirational Instagram accounts to know that you should just be yourself -- and that if people can’t handle you at your worst, they definitely don’t deserve you at your best. Here's why being basic is a uniquely awesome way to roll through life.
You can always find music you like on the radio
Forget B sides, deep cuts and anyone’s “early stuff.” Your jam is always what’s in heavy rotation everywhere, which means that you live your life happily bouncing through traffic jams and long lines at the mall.
You’re in excellent health
Few things make you happier than dropping $12 on a “fun” hot yoga class, and, if you’re feeling extra naughty, a kale smoothie afterwards. You quinoa’t imagine living any other way.
Every city in America is home to your favorite coffee shop
It starts with a “Star” and ends with a “bucks,” and is paid for using gift cards that were sent to you in care packages from your parents.
You stopped having to shave your bikini area years ago
You’re not the world’s biggest science-fiction fan, but you do love and appreciate the power of lasers, particularly when they’ve been used to zap away those pesky pubes that are now but a memory in your ingrown hair-dotted past.
Your boyfriend is super easy to shop for
Basics of a feather date together, and buying a gift for your basic boo is as simple as stopping into the sporting goods store for yet another jersey or restocking his supply of Acqua di Gio aftershave.
When you’re feeling down, all you have to do is look at Beyonce’s Instagram
Her perfect dresses. Her perfect stems. Her storybook vacations with Jay and Blue. Goddamn, goddamn.
Most of your favorite books get turned into movies
...and you’re not too proud to admit that you liked the movie better.
You are a great communicator, because you majored in Communications
...even you're still unsure as to what one does with a Communications degree, and most often use your communication skills to ask your friends whether you should go to grad school or whatever.
The tart, non-dairy flavor only has 30 calories per ounce, which means you can use all of those leftover calories for the seven different kinds of candy you like to pile onto this healthy snack.
Your emoji game is on point
You know that “pizza, dancing girls, fist bump” means your friend wants to hit the town for a girls’ night, and that you can probably expect to be sending her the “I can’t even” Bitmoji tomorrow when you’re too hungover for brunch.
A significant portion of your time is spent with an amazing man who tells you how amazing you are
Every woman should be so lucky as to be attached at the hip to a hot dude who gets them -- but who will never try to get in her pants.
Practically every problem in your life can be solved with coconut oil
Dry skin? Slather it. Unhealthy hair? Condition it. Out of lube? Go for it (but seriously, not with latex condoms ... or, uh, if your partner has allergies). At this point, your body is approximately 85% coconut oil, but there are worse things than living life smelling like spring break incarnate.
You’re always so cold ... which is a great excuse to wear Uggs year-round!
You describe 72 degrees as “nippy,” and don’t understand why every restaurant insists on ruining perfectly good water with ice. Luckily, your wardrobe is equipped with at least two pairs of those delightful insulated booties known as Uggs.
No one can say anything about the fact that you’re essentially wearing slippers outside — how else are you going to survive this punishing sunny spring day?