Things sure are heating up in that there ol' Westeros, as "Sons Of The Harpy" starts bringing the plots together, and, let's say, eliminating, others all together. We're less than halfway through the season (and not in episode 9 banana-pants realm, yet), but it's clear that we're headed for at least one -- if not several -- huge clashes by the end of the year.
Here's every big moment from this week's "Game Of Thrones"... As well as those big moments, recapped with peanuts:
Jorah V Tyrion: Dawn Of Misunderstanding
Jorah one-punches a fisherman in order to take his boat, and Tyrion to Daenerys. When he finally gets his gag off, Tyrion doesn't make things easier by calling Jorah out... He even calls him on his s--t, which is a bad idea for a desperate man like Jorah. He lays out exactly what happened with Jorah and Dany, and so Jorah also one-punches Tyrion.
Where was all that bad-ass one-punching when he was with Dany? Anyway.
The Ship-phire IslesHBO
Small moment, but Jaime looking longingly at the the Sapphire Isles, thinking of his time with Brienne, got us right in the feels-bone. Seriously, if anything happens where the two of them don't get together again, we will scream louder than at the Red Wedding.
The Road To DorneHBO
That said, Jaime and Bronn together is goddamn genius. Not only does Bronn bring out the best -- and lightest -- in Jaime, but he also tells it like it is. Jaime's moments with his golden hand, from silently explaining he can't row a boat, to catching an attacking sword on it, are laugh out loud funny. And their fight with the Dornish kicks butt, with Bronn lackadaisically taking on most of the attackers, while leaving just one for Jaime. We love Brienne and Jaime, sure; but can't wait to see more of this duo playing off each other.
Cersei Burns It All DownHBO
Remember last week when we said Cersei has a tendency to burn everything to the ground on her way to power? First, she sends Mace Tyrell to Dorne -- and probably to his death. And then more importantly she makes the High Sparrow into the High Septon. Which seems fine at first, because he seems like a pretty affable, normal guy. But his zero tolerance policy towards sin -- which includes homosexuality, and therefore Loras Tyrell, leads to some very, very bad times for King's Landing.
Say, you don't think Lancel Lannister, who is a Sparrow himself, and once helped his own cousin Cersei break her marriage vows by making the beast with two backs will lead to anything bad, right? They may be intolerant of homosexuals, but they're probably totally cool with incestual adulterers, right? Cool.
Anyway, it also leads to the rivalry between Margaery and Cersei, with Tommen stuck in the middle, bubbling over, with Margaery withholding the beast with two backs until Loras is freed. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out well, as Tommen has no backbone... Meaning it's probably actually a beast with one back, now that we think about it.
You Know Bonin', Jon SnowHBO
Now that Jon is finally Lord Commander, he's learning that rulin' ain't easy. He can't possibly ally himself with Roose Bolton, the man who helped murder his family. But he also can't defend the Wall from the incoming White Walkers without his help.
And then there's Melisandre, who plays on Jon's weakness for redheads by stripping naked and attempting to help him take the pink*. He resists, because he's Jon Snow, the most upright dude that ever stood upright, but she drops one last bomb: "You know nothing, Jon Snow." And he's all like, "Wait, do think I know nothing, or do you know something about my old bonin' partner???"
Anyway, things aren't going to get easier for Jon... And he may look back on one last fling with Melisandre as a vice he should have taken.
Tales From The Crypt Of WinterfellHBO
Sansa enters the crypt of Winterfell -- and one of the joys of the twist on her storyline this season is getting to see the old locations once again -- and gets a story from Littlefinger that is a crucial one. We learn that Rhaegar Targaryen, back in the day, paid tribute to Ned Stark's sister Lyanna at a tournament. Sansa has a different view of the story, but for those who have a good feeling about certain conspiracy theories involving certain character's parentage, this is an important plot point.
Littlefinger also lays out exactly what will happen with Stannis -- invading Winterfell -- and that his plan is to have the Boltons defeated, and Sansa made Warden of the North, while having a back-up: she needs to seduce Ramsay.
There's one thing here that Littlefinger hasn't accounted for, and it's a big one... Ramsay is a f--king maniac. And maniacs have a way of messing up plans.
I've Got To Sand Snake It To YouHBO
The big intro this episode was the Sand Snakes, the daughters of Oberyn Martell. Along with Ellaria Sand, they're planning to take control of Dorne and attack pretty much all of Westeros. And it's a pretty huge wrinkle. The conflict on this show has been, for four seasons, between the Starks and the Lannisters, with other elements thrown in to bolster either side. But Dorne potentially going to war means we've got a third power jockeying for the throne, one who isn't governed by honor or ambition... But by revenge. That's a dangerous thing to be basing your actions on, because like Ramsay, revenge is unpredictable. It lashes out like a, well, snake.
We'll have to see how this plays out, but things are about to get more complicated.
The Sons Of The Harpy AttackHBO
Aw. Sad. Look, Barristan Selmy wasn't the absolute best character on the show, but he was consistent, having been around from the first season on. And yet when Grey Worm is sneak-attacked by the Sons of the Harpy in Meereen, and Barristan comes to his rescue -- dying in the process -- it's a heartbreaking goodbye, because of all the characters on the show, Barristan was one of the only with true honor.
Granted, if there's one thing we've learned watching "Game of Thrones," it's that the righteous have no place playing said game. Ned died trying to be honorable. So did Robb. And now Barristan. Kind of makes you wonder about Jon Snow, as mentioned above, and Brienne.
My heart couldn't take it.