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Tyrion Lannister's 21 Best 'Game Of Thrones' Insults

The tongue is sharper than the sword.

If we wanted to list out all of the best and meanest insults in "Game of Thrones" history, we would be here for a good long while. As it is, just standing and saluting Tyrion Lannister's wittiest comebacks and takedowns is going to take some time — and it's time well spent.

What he lacks in height and brawn, Tyrion more than compensates with humor and… well, Bronn. The so-called Imp is the show's breakout character for a reason, and not just because Peter Dinklage is a phenomenally gifted actor. It's also because he's allowed some of the sharpest dialogue, which he wields with deadly efficiency against his friends and foes alike. Whenever the tension needs cutting, Tyrion's your man. Whenever an indignant jerk needs to be taken down a peg or two, you know who to call.

In honor the legal drinking age in the United States, which just so happens to be one of Tyrion's favorite pastimes in Westeros, here are the 21 greatest insults to escape the Imp's lips over five seasons of "Game of Thrones," from his earliest appearances in Winterfell all the way through his current lot in life in Essos:

  1. Tyrion lays the smack down.

    "One more word and I hit you again," he says to Prince Joffrey, after already smacking him once, and right before smacking him again two more times.

    (Season 1 Episode 2, "The Kingsroad")

  2. Tyrion meets Theon.

    "Your next tumble with Ros is on me," Tyrion tells Greyjoy after tossing him a sack of coins. "I'll try not to wear her out."

    (Season 1 Episode 4, "Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things")

  3. Tyrion meets Bronn.

    "Though I would treasure your friendship, I'm mainly interested in your facility with murder," he tells the sellsword who just saved his life from certain doom in the Eyrie. Not the friendliest start to their budding bromance, but it'll do.

    (Season 1 Episode 8, "The Pointy End")

  4. Tyrion pays Cersei a backhanded compliment.

    "You love your children. It's your one redeeming quality," he tells his sweet, sorrowful sister; a beat later, he adds, "That, and your cheekbones."

    (Season 2 Episode 1, "The North Remembers")

  5. Tyrion plays the "incest" card.

    "You've never taken [ruling] seriously. You haven't, and Jaime hasn't. It's all fallen on me," Cersei shouts at her brother, teeing up Tyrion's perfect reply: "As has Jaime, repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon!"

    (Season 2 Episode 2, "The Night Lands")

  6. Tyrion fires Janos.

    "I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence," he tells the outgoing City Watch commander, as he sends the soon-to-be-headless Slynt to the Wall.

    (Season 2 Episode 2, "The Night Lands")

  7. Tyrion teaches Trant.

    "I'm not threatening the king, Ser. I'm educating my nephew," Tyrion says to Joffrey's bodyguard, Meryn Trant. He then turns to his sellsword Bronn and advises, "The next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. THAT was a threat. See the difference?"

    (Season 2 Episode 2, "Garden of Bones")

  8. Tyrion points out redundancies.

    "So clever, aren't you? Always so clever with your schemes and plots," Cersei tells Tyrion, choking back tears. Even in her moment of weakness, Tyrion can't bite his tongue: "…schemes and plots are the same thing."

    (Season 2 Episode 5, "The Ghost of Harrenhal")

  9. Tyrion strikes a king.

    "We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot boy king," he shouts at Joffrey after Joffrey caused a riot in King's Landing, and right before he smacks him yet again.

    (Season 2 Episode 6, "The Old Gods and the New")

  10. That time Tyrion called Joffrey a dog.

    "It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head," he tells sister Cersei about her royally cruel bastard son.

    (Season 2 Episode 7, "A Man Without Honor")

  11. Tyrion says things he'll regret.

    "I will hurt you for this," he furiously tells Cersei. "A day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth." Cersei won't forget these words when Tyrion goes on trial for Joffrey's death.

    ("The Prince of Winterfell," Season 2 Episode 8)

  12. Tyrion makes fun of old people's private parts.

    "You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees," says Tyrion, referring to Grand Maester Pycelle's southron ambitions.

    (Season 3 Episode 1, "Valar Dohaeris")

  13. Tyrion uses math.

    "You're a clever man, but not half as clever as you think you are," Cersei spits at her little brother. He crunches the numbers and replies: "Still makes me more clever than you."

    (Season 3 Episode 1, "Valar Dohaeris")

  14. Tyrion resists an obvious retort.

    "She's a whore," Tyrion's lover Shae says of Ros. Tyrion stops short of pointing out the obvious, instead saying, "Yes, well, we shouldn't be judgmental about these things."

    (Season 3 Episode 2, "Dark Wings, Dark Words")

  15. Tyrion and Cersei commiserate.

    "It's hard to say which of the four of us is getting the worst of the arrangement," Tyrion tells his sister, as they both mourn their new marriage plans. "Probably Sansa. Though Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery."

    (Season 3 Episode 6, "The Climb")

  16. Tyrion flips out at Joffrey.

    Tyrion repeatedly insists that there will be no bedding ceremony during his wedding night. When Joffrey commands it, Tyrion pokes the lion: "Then you will be f—ing your own bride with a wooden c—." Hell hath no fury like a drunk Tyrion scorned.

    (Season 3 Episode 8, "Second Sons")

  17. Tyrion flips out at Joffrey AGAIN.
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    "Oh, MONSTER? Perhaps you should speak to me more softly then," he tells Joffrey in front of the whole Small Council. "Monsters are dangerous and, just now, kings are dying like flies." Hey, Tyrion, remember that time Joffrey died in, like, five days from now? Yeah, THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.

    (Season 3 Episode 10, "Mhysa")

  18. That time Tyrion made me laugh.

    "Anyone named Desmond Crakehall must be a pervert," he tells Sansa. You don't even need to remember the context for this; it's still an amazing line.

    (Season 3 Episode 10, "Mhysa")

  19. Tyrion flips out at everybody.

    "I did not kill Joffrey," the on-trial Tyrion tells a court filled with onlookers, "but I wish that I had! Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores!"

    (Season 4 Episode 6, "The Laws of Gods and Men")

  20. Tyrion makes a sad confession.

    "Laughing at another person's misery was the only thing that made me feel like everyone else," he tells Jaime, explaining why he's so mean to people, in the hours before the Red Viper dies during Trial by Combat against the Mountain.

    (Season 4 Episode 8, "The Mountain and the Viper")

  21. Tyrion makes fun of his sister again.
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    When Tyrion learns that Cersei is offering a great reward to whoever brings her his head, he snorts and says, "She ought to offer her c—. Best part of her for the best part of me." Yikes.

    (Season 5 Episode 2, "The House of Black and White")