When Comedy Central’s “Roast of Justin Bieber” was announced in January, the 21-year-old joked that he’d been working hard to provide them with “more material” that could be thrown back in his face for our collective amusement.
So at the hilariously brutal Roast, obvious topics like Justin’s egg-throwing antics, monkey abandonment business, and less-than-stellar drag racing skills were repeatedly harped on.
But, as you might suspect, the roasters also zeroed in on a certain brunette beauty that used to hold a very special place in the Biebs’ heart. No, not Mally the monkey — we’re of course talking about Justin’s long-lost ex, Selena Gomez.
Before the Roast, Chris D’Elia told MTV News, “They made it very clear that this roast is about Justin and don’t bring up Selena. That is when I started writing jokes about Selena.”
He wasn’t the only one — fellow roasters Kevin Hart, Jeff Ross, and Natasha Leggero also dropped Sel’s name to serve up these merciless burns.
“Selena wanted to be here but she’s dating men now.” -Jeff RossComedy Central
Burn factor: 6/10.
Not a super low blow (he JUST turned 21, so he’s still growing up, OK?!), but also a cruel reminder that Sel has indeed moved on.
“Selena Gomez had to f—k you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history.” -Natasha LeggeroComedy Central
Burn factor: 9/10.
Any time you bring up someone who died a tragic, premature death, it’s bound to raise some eyebrows.
“Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?” -Jeff RossComedy Central
Burn factor: 4/10.
Justin’s itsy bitsy stache had a FANTASTIC year, thankyouverymuch.
“You’re about to get f—ked harder than Orlando Bloom f—ked Selena Gomez.” -Chris D’EliaComedy Central
Burn factor: 10/10.
OOOOOH, the great Bloom-Bieber war has been resurrected! Justin played it off totally cool by dramatically slapping his knee, but calling out a guy who has a well-documented history of riling him up must’ve made his blood boil.
“Unfortunately Selena Gomez couldn’t be here tonight. Just because she didn’t want to be here. I wish I had something better to tell you, but I don’t.” -Kevin HartComedy Central
Burn factor: 2/10.
Not a lot of people actually expected Selena to show up to this shindig, so this one’s more like a mild scab than a sick burn. But while we’re on the subject, why DIDN’T you show, Selena?! Getting a chance to publicly humiliate your ex at an event where the meaner the joke, the better? Missed opportunity, girl.
“That’s right, Selena Gomez had sex with this guy...proving once again Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs Americans just won’t do.” -Jeff RossMTV/Tumblr
Burn factor: 9/10.
Justin, Selena, AND the entire Mexican population of the United States felt this one. OUCH.
All in all, it was a brutal beatdown for the Biebs, but he insisted there were no hard feelings. When asked about the array of ruthless Selena jokes after the show, he played it totally cool, saying, “Everybody was going balls to the wall. It was whatever.”
‘Atta boy, Justin. You the real MVP.