With season 5 of "Game of Thrones" about to begin, we've been making the most of our parents' HBO Go login by re-watching the first four seasons as many times as it takes to remember the massive web of characters and storylines.
Somewhere around re-watch number seven, our medieval fantasy-fried brains realized all those distinctive characters make "Game of Thrones" the mall of American television. Hear us out. First of all, they're both massive, self-contained worlds with something for everyone.
And you know those people who work at a mall store just for the 20% discount? The ones you see and think, "Wow, that person is SO Hot Topic!" Pretty much every character on the show has a mall store they'd totally work at for the discount swag.
Here are the retailers where we envision our favorite "GoT" characters spending their 9 to 5:
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Jon Snow - The North Face
HBO/Charlie Kasov
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Sansa Stark - American Apparel
HBO/Kris Cardenas/Flickr
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Varys - The Apple Store
HBO/Getty Images
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Catelyn Stark - Ann Taylor
HBO/Getty Images
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"Khaleesi" Daenerys Targaryen - Hot Topic
HBO/MarkScottAustinTX/Flickr
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Prince Joffrey - Abercrombie & Fitch
HBO/Getty Images
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Tommen Baratheon - American Eagle
HBO/Stab At Sleep/Flickr
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Khal Drogo - PacSun
HBO/Charlie Kasov
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Robb Stark - Hollister
HBO/Getty Images
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Hodor - Build-A-Bear
HBO/Walter Lim/Flickr
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Cersei Lannister - Victoria's Secret
HBO/Getty Images
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Jamie "Kingslayer" Lannister - Guitar Center
HBO/Alex Gorzen/Flickr
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Peter "Littlefinger" Baelish - Armani Exchange
HBO/Getty Images
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Brienne of Tarth - Lululemon
HBO/WestportWiki
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Margaery Tyrell - Forever 21
HBO/TofuProd/Flickr
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Samwell Tarly - Barnes & Noble
HBO/Amantio di Nicolao
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Tyrion Lannister - Spencer's Gifts
HBO/Ildar Sagdejev
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Arya Stark - Goodwill
HBO/RustyClark/Flickr
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Tywin Lannister - Ralph Lauren
HBO/Joseph De Palma/Flickr
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The Mountain - GNC
HBO/Getty Images
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Ramsay Bolton - The Art Of Shaving
HBO/goatling/Flickr
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Shae - Food Court Free Samples
HBO/Ryan Lackey/Flickr
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Ned Stark - L.L. Bean
HBO/Mike Mozart/Flickr
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Stannis Baratheon - Banana Republic
HBO/Getty Images
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Melisandre - Teavana
HBO/Bob Hall/Flickr
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Bronn the Sellsword - Under Armour
HBO/Charlie Kasov
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Aemon Targaryen - Yankee Candle
HBO/Luigi Novi
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The Hound - Mall Security
HBO/Getty Images
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Robert Baratheon - Applebee's
HBO/Robert Stern/Flickr