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This New Miracle Cream Promises To Painlessly Remove Tattoos

All the Emoji prayer hands.

In what’s probably the most important and relieving scientific discovery of the millennium, a genius Canadian PhD student has developed a topical cream that he says will remove tattoos.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, GUYS? Gone are the days of having to humiliate yourself by explaining your regrettable choices, like this Drake superfan’s unfortunate neck shrine to Drizzy’s latest mixtape (just sayin’, homeboy might want to be reading this).

It's all thanks to Alex Falkenham, a 27-year-old PhD student at Dalhousie University in Halifax, who claims that his miracle cream doesn’t have any of the scarring, burns, or blisters that result from laser tattoo removal. In fact, he predicts the painless cream won’t leave any inflammation at all.

Here’s the science behind it: Macrophages are cells that fill with ink and make tats visible on the skin. Falkenham’s cream targets those macrophages that are filled with ink and replaces them with brand new macrophages, thus making the tattoo disappear.


The best part is, the cream won’t come with the financial scars of laser tattoo removal, either. Falkenham estimates a treatment would cost just four cents per square centimeter, coming out to $4.50 per treatment of a 10-by-10 centimeter area.

The potentially life-changing cream is currently being tested on pigs’ tattooed ears. In the mean time, Falkenham has secured funding for the cream and is getting a patent for it so that he can soon make it commercially available for all of us to obsess over.

So there you have it, folks: It turns out there actually IS a cure for stupidity!