10 Ways To Keep Yourself Tied Up Until 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Hits Theaters

T-minus ten days until your Valentine's date with Mr. Grey.

After months of teasing, innuendo, and tantalizing glimpses beyond the door of the Red Room of Pain, we're finally in the home stretch before "Fifty Shades of Grey" hits theaters.

All that's left to do is wait -- for ten agonizing days. But don't worry, you can handle it. Just follow our step-by-step checklist for filling these hours of sadistic torment until release day, and come February 13, you'll be more than ready for your meeting with Mr. Christian Grey.

  1. Day 1: Reread the entire "Fifty Shades" trilogy from beginning to end.

    No skipping pages. You will read the whole thing... or suffer the consequences.

  2. Day 2: Write an impassioned internet op-ed airing your many complicated feelings about the notorious sex scene they didn't film.

    Nope, not done talking about this one yet.

  3. Day 3: Write an even more impassioned op-ed insisting that the "Fifty Shades" sequels include full frontal male nudity.

    What do we want? Todger! When do we want it? Now!

  4. Day 4: Channel your "Fifty Shades" anticipation into a little creative redecorating.

    We suggest repainting your bedroom a tasteful shade of red, and adding a few leather accents.

  5. Day 5: Live like Christian Grey for a day, and exercise control in all things.

    Rule with an iron fist. Boss your cat around. Order the most complicated Starbucks drink you can think of, and threaten to spank the barista if he gets it wrong.

  6. Day 6: Live like Anastasia Steele for a day, and exercise control in no things.

    Make zero decisions. Take zero action. Spend all day lying immobile in bed because nobody told you to get up.

  7. Day 7: Get yourself in the mood for "Fifty Shades of Grey"-style romance by cuddling with your Christian Grey teddy bear.

    Yeah, you know you bought one.

  8. Day 8: Thank the fire department for freeing you after the bear handcuffs you to the bed.
    No, no, don't feel awkward. They're getting a dozen calls like this every day. Day 9: Order your tickets to the premiere.
    And be sure to choose a safe word to use with your friends in the event that you get too overstimulated and need to leave the movie early. Day 10: Mr. Grey will see you now.
    [Drops mic, sashays into the theater while "Drunk in Love" plays in super slow-motion.]