7 Reasons Why Valentine's Day Kicks Sweetest Day's Ass

The other romantic holiday, celebrated in a dozen U.S. states, can't hold a candle to Feb. 14.

Valentine's Day is the one day each year when you are required to make your significant other feel like the king or queen they are. But hold on ... what about Sweetest Day?

What is Sweetest Day, you ask? It's a sappy holiday just like Valentine's Day, except in October and mostly limited to the Midwest. Sweetest Day's fans believe it’s all that when it comes to love. But they would be wrong ... very wrong.

Sweetest Day is the poor man's Valentine’s Day and here’s why:

  1. The third Saturday in October is a terrible date for a romantic holiday

    It's all about Halloween, and you shouldn't be sidelined during the scariest month of the year by some random love day thrown in the middle. Love can be scary for sure, but it's unfair to expect you to publicly show your affection when you have a costume to prepare.

  2. Most people have never heard of it

    Valentine's Day is an international celebration. Sweetest Day is ... pretty obscure. The government doesn't even list it among our nation's holidays, but does point out that Valentine's is "upcoming."

  3. Nobody except your grandma calls anybody their "sweetest"

    It’s weird and sounds old-timey. If your significant other really does call you that, maybe you should reconsider which one of you is the desperate one.

  4. Valentine’s Day has red roses cornered

    Do you know how many red roses are sold on Valentine's? Approximately 198 million. Do you know how many roses are sold on Sweetest Day? No one does, because nobody cares except for some lonely girl in the Chicago suburbs looking for a reason to be pissed off at her boyfriend because she didn’t get a flower even though he pulls two shifts at a factory. Relax.

  5. Sweetest Day doesn't have its own identity

    Valentine’s Day is all about hearts and the color red, and Sweetest Day is a total copycat, except without cupids -- just generic candy and a few random greeting cards. It tried to steal heart-shaped candy boxes, but people said no way. It’s lame and that’s a fact. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but sometimes it’s also really annoying.

  6. Sweetest Day is like Christmas in July

    You know why there’s only one Christmas? Because two Christmases would be dumb. (Also, it might not make any sense if there were two baby Jesuses.) Sometimes less is more sweeter.

  7. Valetine’s Day actually has some history behind it
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    Valentine’s Day has been celebrated for hundreds of years and is based on a saint; Sweetest Day has been celebrated since 1921, when some greedy candy makers got together in Cleveland and decided that creating a new holiday would increase sales of chocolates.

    Sweetest is almost 100 and still hasn’t caught on. What does that tell you?