Is it just us or did it feel like it took forever to get to this weekend? Between hunkering down for the impending doom of Snowstorm Juno, perfecting our seven layer dip for today's Super Bowl game and keeping track of the evergrowing list of Grammy performers, it's been a jam-packed stretch.
"Saturday Night Live" addressed all of these topics last night (January 31) with help from host J.K. Simmons and musical guest D'Angelo. First up, that blizzard that even Dairy Queen could claim they make more threatening.
Teachers Can Have Snow Days Too
Remember that impending storm that threatened to be one of the worst in New York's history? Well, yeah, while that didn't actually happen, it hit much of the Northeast hard, so you probably got the benefit of having a Snow Day, spending your morning sleeping in, bingeing on Netflix and maybe even getting outside to make a snowman.
And while that's great, do you know who was having more fun? Your teachers. That's right, a snow day for teachers means no kids, no books and full pay. Did you think they spent the day grading papers? Quite the opposite. And your principal? He takes advantage of the dress code and goes sans pants. Teach The Children.
Fred Armisen Gets In On The Fun
J.K. Simmons takes the stage to host the episode, using the monologue to talk about the differences between his mean, intimidating band professor character in "Whiplash" and himself. He's really a nice guy, everyone.
He brings out Kyle Mooney and Aidy Bryant to sing the "no-pocolypse" song about the non-blizzard (see above). But Simmons gets heated when Kyle, Pete Davidson and Leslie Jones all fail to keep tempo. Jones is the only one who is brave enough to fire back at him to "pump the brakes." Finally it's Fred Armisen to the rescue, who hops on the set and kills it. Because he's Fred.
The Super Bowl Is Also For Girls
Are you watching the Super Bowl today? You'll probably heat up a plate of Totino's Pizza Rolls to nom on watching the Patriots and the Seahawks duke it out. And if you're a girl, you'll (stereotypically) be serving them to your (stereotypically) hungry guys. And while you spend time in the kitchen, you can play with Totino's Pizza Rolls Activity Pack for Women ... it's a great satire of, y'know, stereotypes!
Here Come The Grammy Awards
Everyone's favorite 1800s critic stops by the Weekend Update desk to review the upcoming Grammy nominees. The grouch wishes he lived in a soundless vacuum, coming down hard on everyone from Meghan Trainor to Celine Dion. He continues with a host of more musical guest burns.
Jay Z's Hard Knock Life
SNL writer Mike O'Brien takes a turn in the spotlight when he steps in as Jay Z, detailing how the rapper got his name (the J and the Z train), met Beyonce (Sasheer Zamata flawlessly rushes in) and made connections with other rappers like Kanye West (a cameo from Jason Sudeikis) and Nas (J.K. Simmons). The whole thing is 100% accurate.
D'Angelo Debuts New Music
After announcing just last month that he would be releasing his first album in 14 years, D'Angelo came out of the woodwork to perform a few songs from the upcoming Black Messiah release. First up is "Really Love," where a backup singer opens with soft-spoken Spanish lyrics. As the guitar and strings kick in, the song becomes a sultry, flamenco-type jam.
For his second song, D'Angelo takes a political approach. His backup singers stand wearing t-shirts that read "Black Lives Matter" and "I Can't Breathe." Called "The Charade," the lyrics are powerful: "All we wanted was a chance to talk/Instead we only got outlined in chalk." He ends the night with a solitary fist held high.
SNL's 40th Anniversary Special airs February 15.