Getty

Sorry Johnny Depp Was Late -- He Got Attacked By A Chupacabra

Cool story, bro.

Poor Johnny Depp is currently in Japan promoting his new action heist flick "Mortdecai," and he’s battling a nasty cold.

But colds are so boring and blasé — two things that Johnny most certainly is not — so instead of owning up to it, he decided to embellish a little.

After missing a press conference in Tokyo on Tuesday (January 27), he showed up the next day and gave reporters a fantastical story straight out of a Tim Burton movie.

“I was attacked yesterday morning by a very rarely seen or experienced animal called the chupacabra,” he told the room of reporters. “I fought it for hours. They’re very persistent, very mean. And I’m pretty sure it came in my suitcase.”

Giphy

Lest we forget, actors are basically professional liars, and Johnny is among one of the best actors in the whole wide world. So, his excuse was weirdly convincing, if not totally implausible.

In case you’re not familiar, a chupacabra is a very fun word to say. It's also a legendary (read: almost certainly mythical) creature native to the Americas that drinks the blood of livestock.

It is also, apparently, Johnny Depp’s mortal enemy.

“I threw him off the 23rd floor. So, we’ll never see him again. Thank you for your understanding.”

The reporters played along and laughed heartily, and one of them even asked Johnny what his character Mortdecai would’ve done in that situation.

“He would probably say something like ‘How do you do? My name is Charlie Mordecai, and I’ve come here to take as much money from you as a I possibly can. And jewelry, and art, and stuff.”

Oh, Johnny, you joker.

Giphy