Like your favorite pop divas, who stay committed to the game in a sea of powerful entertainers, only a few birth control methods truly stand the test of time. IUDs -- or intrauterine devices -- really stand out in the birth control canon.
Thankfully there is a smorgasborg of medical information online about IUDs, but most websites aren’t personifying your research on babystoppage with the women whose babymaking music got you in this position in the first place. Behold, your IUDs as pop divas.
Paragard is the Mariah Carey of IUDsGetty Images Entertainment/Slaven Vlasic
Like Mariah, Paragard has been big since the 1980s and continues to be one of the most influential performers in its field. It’s a small T-shaped polyethylene device with fine copper wire wrapped around the vertical stem.
While copper is not the standard marker of success in the music biz -- Mariah has 17 multi-platinum hit singles -- I’d put my money down that Mariah’s chart-topping rate is about the same 99.2%-99.4% effectiveness rate as the Paragard.
Paragard is the only IUD that's non-hormonal -- thanks to copper’s ability to naturally increase enzymes, prostaglandins and white blood cells in the uterus, all believed to detour a man’s sperm and prevent fertilization -- ergo, unlike Mariah’s early hit, Paragard won't “make you feel emotions.” And they both have serious endurance. Paragard lasts for 10-12 years; Mimi has been a queen for far longer.
Be warned! There are potential downsides: Some women experience heavier/longer menstrual bleeding and more severe menstrual cramps. Nothing a comfy afternoon playing “Daydream” won’t solve.
Mirena is the Miley Cyrus of IUDsGetty Images
Mirena is one of the hormonal IUDs, and Miley Cyrus’ songs have ushered so many of us through our most hormonal times. Mirena works by releasing low doses of the progestin levonorgestrel. It’s thought to work by thickening cervical mucus, inhibiting sperm function and ovum migration, and suppressing endometrial development.
It’s a jill-of-all-trades, really -- not too unlike Miley’s style of writing, recording, playing and performing the majority of her music.
Most Mirena users said they had a decrease in menstrual flow and cramping; some even stopped menstruating entirely while on Mirena. Once inserted, Mirena lasts for five years, and it can be used by women who can’t take estrogen -- so if that applies to you, don’t take nothing from nobody who says you can't have an IUD.
Skyla is the Taylor Swift of IUDs