You done goofed. In myriad ways, really -- more on that later -- but in this missive I would like to point out one goof in particular: The exclusion of Lorde from your list of Best Original Song nominees.
What happened there, guys? Did the fumes from all those gold statuettes addle your brains? Was everyone collectively poisoned from that pizza Ellen handed out last year? (Perhaps by some form of tape worm that feasts on grey matter? Is Brad Pitt OK?) Did Jennifer Lawrence trip and scatter your ballots, thus accidentally shuffling Lorde from the mix? Answers -- they are required.
Sure, you have some good nominees on your current list -- I'm pretty stoked to see Tegan and Sara, along with The Lonely Island, take the stage to perform "Everything Is Awesome." Everything will, indeed, be awesome at that particular moment in time. Also, good job giving Golden Globe winner "Glory," from "Selma," some shine. I'm glad John Legend and Common will be in attendance come the big night.
Some of your other choices, however... I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. Meh. Meh to that. A thousand times meh to things that are not Lorde.
I mean, let's look at the facts, here. Lorde -- she's 18. She's 18 and was asked to curate the entire soundtrack to "The Hunger Games: Mockingjay -- Part 1." At age 18. 1-8. When I was 18 I won a poetry contest in the local paper. That was very exciting, but, you know, probably not as exciting as Lorde's thing.
On top of this very exciting thing, the soundtrack was also good -- in particular, Lorde's "Yellow Flicker Beat," which charted respectably on the Billboard Hot 100 and earned a remix by Kanye. Charts, Kanye -- these are signs of success that hint at future success and well-deserved accolades. Also, you know, folks with ears have the ability to ascertain that this song is pleasing to listen to. So, what -- as Seinfeld would say -- is the deal?
Conversely, "Lost Stars" -- performed most prominently in "Begin Again" by Adam Levine -- didn't really make it that high on the charts and didn't receive a remix by Kanye. I won't speak here on the quality of said song -- how pleasing it is to listen to, if you will -- but I'm going to go ahead and point out this fact: The whole movie was about a woman "beginning again" after a breakup with her nouveau rock star boyfriend (Mark Ruffalo "began again" somewhere in there, too). You picked the song most prominently performed by the rock star ex-boyfriend. That's some food for thought in a brain not eaten by brain-eating tape worms right there.
Yup, dudes, the goofs -- they are strong with you. I could wax poetic about these gaffes all day (I mean, I did win that newspaper contest). However, since the Internet balks at big ol' blocks of words, I will leave you with this pretty damn poignant thought: By not nominating Lorde, you have not only shirked good taste, you have also deprived yourself. That's right -- Deprivation City, USA, population Academy.
And the essence of that deprivation is this: When the 2015 Oscars roll around, no one will be dancing like no one is watching. No one will be "shaking it off" to the beat of her own erratic drum. No one, dear Academy, will be dancing the Lorde. And that, friends, is the biggest goof of all.