Tim Robberts

How To Keep Things Strictly Physical On Tinder By Using A Heartbreaking Love Story

Woman on Tinder tells romantic story to convince her match to "just keep it sexual."

With Tinder's skyrocketing popularity in the past year, and the rise of Reddit-baiting users flexing, the online dating app has become a world of constant escalation and gimmicks where only the cleverest or most outlandish users flourish. From playing Connect Four to bringing food into the bedroom, it's the textual sexual olympics and a simple "Hey, how's it going" just won't cut it anymore. (Not that it ever cut it IRL either.)

Case in point: How can you compete with this woman who crafted an elaborate and heartbreaking love story worthy of a Garry Marshall adaptation? All for the sole purpose of letting her Tinder match know that she's interested in the exact opposite: no-strings sex.

Tinder user Adara, whose exchange was posted to imgur, started things off subtly. "So I messaged you just to chat but I'm kind of concerned," she starts off. "We could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it." Hm, what's the reason for concern?

She then details how, in this fictionalized version of events, they develop "an intense sex life," eventually move in together, get married, and have kids. Then the sex life deteriorates on account of the stresses of parenting and bills, which leads to an affair. Ah, so the reason for that initial concern is that she seems to be a Stage Five clinger, right?

Well here's the kicker. To nip this ugly tale of divorce and adultery in the bud, she suggests, "For God's sake, if you chat with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."

Well played, Adara.

The detailed narrative is impressive, but it's the subverting of expectations that really sells it (seems like a girl aching for a long-term relationship, turns out she's just a player). Not to mention it weeds out the dudes with short attention spans.