Although the new "Fifty Shades of Grey" teaser trailer is technically safe for work, we must warn you: The way it will make you feel is probably, um, not. And having warned you, will we see you later, because we need to go watch it again on a continuous loop in a place that is safe, a.k.a. a dark room with a firmly-locked door. (And if you hear the strains of that super-slowed-down, sultry remix of "Crazy in Love" emanating from inside a broom closet in your office, just move along, friend.)
There's a ton of new stuff in this trailer, including a peek at Marcia Gay Harden as the woman who birthed Christian Grey, some rapid-cut footage of Christian pouring an unidentified substance (OMG) onto Anastasia's naked stomach, and of course, the requisite scene where Anastasia's girlfriend points out that Mr. Grey is hotter than the sun, and Anastasia is all, ORLY? HADN'T NOTICED. (She's such a liar.)
Also, there's Christian saying, "Where have you been?", and Anastasia saying, "Waiting."
Waiting! Yeah, dude, me too. For this movie to stop teasing us all like its sadistic playboy protagonist and come out, already. ("Fifty Shades of Grey" will be in theaters Valentine's Day.)