For all the scripted onstage jokes last night about the relative spherical golden-ness of Jennifer Lopez's, um, globes, last night's Golden Globes were also a hotbed of unrestrained, spontaneous, off-the-cuff grabbing of famous people's body parts... y'know, as per usual.
Whether it's the potent combination of free-flowing alcohol and free-roaming celebs, or the sheer giddiness of being at an awards show that isn't the super-serious Oscars, the Globes always includes a moment or two at which someone makes a play for a celebrity's fleshy bits, to the great delight of everyone present (except, sometimes, the celebrity herself.) Below, we've rounded up the best of 'em. Ladies and gentlemen, these are the Golden Gropes.
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Kevin Spacey brings his grab-ass game
Although he ultimately kept his hands to himself, Kevin politely offered to grab the behind of a reporter on the red carpet for the full Francis Underwood Experience. For reasons nobody will ever understand, she declines.
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Bill Hader reaches across space and time
Realizing that he was sharing a split screen with Guiliana Rancic and Kristin Dos Santos, Bill pulled off the most high-tech groping of the entire night. It couldn't have been better if he'd actually touched her.
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Chrissy Teigen gets ready to give John Legend a good lickin'
via Twitter/ @accesshollywood
The camera cut away before any tongue-to-husband contact, but we're pretty sure it happened (he was obviously returning the favor in this pic taken at a Globes after-party.)
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Jennifer Aniston pats Kate Hudson's booty
And finally, she didn't win for "Cake," but Jennifer Aniston certainly got a handful of hot buns last night.