In a scathing edition of his "Thank You Notes" segment, host Jimmy Fallon went ahead and destroyed all your holiday cheer on a new episode of "The Tonight Show."
Writing thank-you notes to various innocent holiday traditions, Fallon pointed out the dark side of the rituals we take for granted. He called out stockings for being a "long, flammable piece of fabric people like to hang right above a roaring fireplace." He rebranded Secret Santa gift exchanges as "disappointment roulette."
As cheesy piano music played in the background, Fallon recited lines like, "Thank you, mall Santas, for teaching kids that when Santa's not at the North Pole, he's hitting on a Jamba Juice employee."
Maybe the harshest "thank you" was leveled at the beloved holiday character Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, who went from pariah to celebrity when he guided Santa's sleigh through a foggy night in the popular carol. "Thank you, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, for teaching us that even if you're unpopular, people will pretend to like you if they really need your help."
Dang, Jimmy. It's almost like the one time of year that brings joy to all children isn't good enough for you.
Watch Fallon write his incredibly rude thank-you notes below.