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These Creepy Pajamas Are All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas is ~fleeeeeece~

Looking at someone's Christmas list is like looking into their soul. Sure, most people probably have things like iPads and Beats headphones on their lists, but what about the other, miscellaneous items? Everybody has a couple things they omit when asked, "What did you get for Christmas?" Which brings me to my dilemma: I'm way too embarrassed to ask for a Cozy Pod. But it's the only thing I absolutely need in my life. [Ed Note: This article is in no way sponsored by Cozy Pod manufacturers Pajamagram. Maggie really truly wants this thing for Christmas.]

Here's the commercial I saw a couple weeks ago while I was contemplating forking my eyes out on the elliptical:

There are a few reasons why I need to save myself from the freezing winter vortex in this Teletubbie-shaped fleece unitard.

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These women are literally my dream version of Charlie's Angels. Three gals, livin it up in fleece pajamas. They remind me of those Old Navy vests I needed in the third grade, so it's nostalgic really. Why wouldn't I want to be part of the "Pod Squad"?!

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"The cozy pod is her personal cocoon," SAY NO MORE. My #1 favorite activity is wrapping myself in blankets and rolling around my bed like this dude, and this is LITERALLY the PERFECT outfit for said activity. Some people need yoga pants to do yoga, some people need sneakers for running, I need someone to buy me this Cozy Pod for lounging.

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Not only does the cozy pod cover every part of your body (modest!), it also has the option of becoming a sleep shirt just in case you decide someone is worthy of seeing those calves. More specifically, the bottoms zip off "for those times when things begin to heat up." If, by wearing the Cozy Pod, I enter a world where things start to "heat up" while I wear that fleece sack, I change my order from 1 to 20.

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HA, remember blankets??? Me neither. I have totally erased from my mind the horror of dealing with a blanket that does not completely envelop you into its warm, cozy arms. Pod Squad 4 Lyfe.

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For all you practical folks out there, you're probably thinking, "How do you even wrap that thing??" WELL, you don't have to! It's already wrapped in a questionable silk-ish looking bag! Ultimate convenience!

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This could be me, I COULD BE ONE OF THOSE ANGELS!!

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Check this sass monster out, tightening the drawstring on her cowl neck and giving raging side eye to the haters. My side eye would be 100x more lethal with a drawstring cowl neck.

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Hold up, EMBROIDERY?! Just when you thought it couldn't get any better...

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Thanks to the Cozy Pod, you too can have pajamas with zip-on Bieber pants!

Sadly, the commercial ends, but leaves with this closing line: "Give your angel what she deserves!"

I deserve this Cozy Pod. I am one Cozy Pod away from becoming Liz Lemon! Help my dreams come true!!!