Looks like we have been a good bunch of muggles this year and made it squarely onto Santa’s nice list. Score! Because J.K. Rowling – who we basically regard as the queen of everything happy at this point – has decided to bestow upon us all the best pile of Christmas presents ever: More "Harry Potter!"
Yep, starting this Friday, our gal Jo will unleash a dozen – yes, TWELVE – all new "Potter" pieces (including stories, spells and more) that she’s so graciously tapped out to celebrate the season of giving. They'll come out, one by one, over the course of the 12 days leading up to Christmas Eve this year.
Naturally, this news was music to our ears – and it also, of course, reminded us of that familiar holiday carol we all know and hate-love: "The 12 Days of Christmas." So, we decided to have a little fun with all the cheerful anticipation for the sweet gifts coming our way this year and re-worked the song to match our predictions (slash hopes) for what new "Harry Potter" stories (if they were all stories, mind you) might entail. Specialis Revelio!
12 Drummers Drumming
The Weird Sisters: J.K. Rowling could kick this series off in high gear by giving us a behind-the-scenes glimpse at the popular band and how they came up with their wand-shakingest numbers. How many drummers did they cycle through before finding the one to make “Magic Works” a smash with all the Houses? Need the info.
11 Pipers Piping
The unidentified pipe-smoking wizard: Yes, that is a thing. And now you want to know more about it too, right? It’s actually one of the oldest unresolved mysteries of the series, dating back to the original edition when it was still called "Harry Potter and Philosopher's Stone." Who is this guy? Is he an early version of Dumbledore? Is there some secret society of undercover pipe-smoking wizards we’re unaware of?
Nearly Headless Nick’s family history: Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington is so much more than just the flittering ghost that just about lost his noggin so many years ago. In his better days, he was actually a man of some society – a wizard of the royal court, in fact. Long gone are the days of his privileged youth, but, so long as his brain matter was left intact by all that head-choppage, those days are probably not forgotten. And we'd love to hear more about his rumored association with muggles and how he rubbed elbows with King Henry VII once upon a time.
9 Ladies Dancing
Belles of the Yule Ball: It's an honor of sorts to be chosen as escort to one of the prestigious Triwizard champions, so we’re thinking there just had to be a time or two that things got feisty over the coveted spots. We're thinking a "Bachelor" (or "Bachelorette" because girls can be champs too!) meets "Hunger Games" meets "Potter"-style ruckus could be the right mix for this potion.
M.I.A. Farm Gals: Remember when the Fat Lady (note: that’s totally the book's moniker, not ours) got scared and hid behind the hippo in that pastoral painting across the hall? Well, that gave us an idea. Where are the agricultural types amid this landscape of magical people? Surely there are some wizards who have a knack for animal husbandry and/or dairy farming? Everyone's gotta work, right? Maybe J.K.'ll give us a peek at the greener pastures of the world of witchcraft here.
Mermaids are kind of sort of like swans aren't they? Well, they certainly swim, and you know you wanna know a little bit more about what goes on with those girls when they've got the seas to themselves.
Realistically it's probably less of this...
And much more of this.
Which... even better.
Buckbeak and Co.: Even though Hippogriffs aren't exactly half-geese, they do have an interesting breeding ritual of precious egg-laying that reminds us a little bit of our friendly waterfowl friends. So what if Buckbeak rolled six deep, all "Friends"-style, and had this crazy gang of half-eagle-half-horse thingies that roamed the forest and taught unsuspecting woodland creatures a lesson about etiquette?
5 Golden Rings
It is about the ba-bling-ba-bling: All the professors at Hogwarts have their own unique, personal styles, but Dumbledore's is the most, well, decorated of them all. Dude wears a lot of bling, and we'd love to know where he got all that metal from. We've never actually counted, but he might actually be wearing five golden rings at some points in the story. Where’d he get 'em from, then? His long lost love? Did he collect them from the lost and found bin at the Ministry? Are they statement pieces? There might be some tasty juice to squeeze here.
4 Calling Birds
Phoenixes in flight: All dressed up in such spectacular plumage, and nowhere to go but a stuffy old desk in the Hogwarts Tower? Nah. We don’t Fawkesing believe that. Dumbledore's phoenix has friends aplenty, we're sure of it, and chances are they have flown the coop a time or two for some very exciting adventures. You know, before spontaneously combusting and reawakening anew to live it all over again.
3 French Hens
Fleur Delacour and her own little maybe-trio: Not that we're big on tradition of referring to ladies as any kind of avian being, of course, but the French part definitely fits here. (Besides, those Beauxbatons girls do kind of move in migratory formation as they sashay around the place, no?)
Anyway, we have to imagine there's a lot more to know about Fleur Delacour pre-Goblet of Fire. One doesn't come to be a Triwizard Tournament champion by being a slug about at school, now does one?
Before she came to Hogwarts and became Mrs. Weasley II via Bill, did she maybe have her own little trio of spell-casting bestie pals going on there in France? Was she Madame Maxime's favorite the way Dumbledore favored Harry? Did she and her two BFFs get into as many hi-jinx as the lead "Potter" three? Did she eat lots of bouillabaisse stuff? These are the hard-hitting need-to-knows we're hoping for if there’s a Fleurish tale among the bunch.
2 Turtle Doves
Lily 'n James: Since turtle doves are symbolic of love and loss, we'll ready our tissue stash as we imagine the Lily and James Potter story that might fit with this theme.
Sure, fanfic-ers have given it a solid go in bringing to life the tragic history of Harry's long lost parents, but if she really wants to break our hearts in time for the holidays - Rowling could dish out a bit of their non-Snape-related love story and how the Boy Who Lived came to be in the first place.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
Hedwig: Okay, so she may not be a partridge, per se, but seeing as she is the HBIC (Head Bird in Charge) in our book, the very first in this Days of Harry Potter Christmas-athon we've got going here just has to be our dear friend Hedwig, the talented Snowy Owl.
Maybe Jo will tap out "Hedwig: The True Story" of how she came to be at the then-eleven-year-old Potter's shoulder through thick (all the merriment and wizardous romps at Hogwarts) and thin (being caged up by mean Mr. Dursley, for example). Maybe she had a best pal named Inch whom she frequented the theatre scene with? We kid, of course, but we are serious when we say we're rooting for a Hedwig-centric one-off that explains how in the hey this majestic little creature came to be for sale at Eeylops Owl Emporium that fateful day one Rubeus Hagrid waltzed in.
What do you want to see in Rowling's 12 new stories? Let us know in the comments.