Locate your nearest sturdy doorframe or heavy bookcase, then just give up, because you're totally effed anyway.
The brand new teaser trailer for "San Andreas," the Dwayne Johnson (yes, The Rock)-starring mother of all earthquake dramas, has sent us into a hopeless and unending spiral of fatalism. Why bother with the safety courses? We're scuh-rewed.
As Paul Giamatti warns, there's no escaping from this bad boy. It may be on the West Coast, in California (as those spooky kids singing the scariest version of "California Dreaming" imply), but he'd advise that you GTFO right about now. Though it's not totally clear where "out" is considering the effects of the film's central quake -- entire buildings tumbling to the ground, massive tidal waves, general mayhem -- will be felt all across the continent, according to his dire prediction.
Uh, how's that space program looking right about now?
"San Andreas" hits theaters May 29, 2015.