Ben Affleck Talked About His Penis And Johnny Depp Was Drunk At The Hollywood Film Awards

This awards show had everything.

Wait — should we all be paying attention to the Hollywood Film Awards now? Because between Johnny Depp's bizarre-o behavior while presenting an award and Ben Affleck talking about his penis, we've gotten more candid celebrity stories than a particularly robust issue of People Magazine.

During his acceptance speech for the highest honor at the event, Affleck addressed his, ahem, surprise cameo in "Gone Girl" by tackling his own issue with it all, erm, head on.

"I want to take this opportunity to thank David for the way he treated me," Affleck said. "In particular, we had a shower scene in the movie. And David assured me, because trust is essential with directors and actors: 'Listen, if we tilt down we will never go far enough to see anything.' So thank you David. And I'd like to thank you for keeping the set cool. Because if you are gonna have one chance for America to see your junk you want it to be cold. It's a real gift."

Just so everyone's clear: despite the temperature, Affleck was super not-cool with how ice-cold David Fincher kept the "Gone Girl" set. Because, well, I don't need to explain this one to you, do I?

But it was Johnny Depp who stole the show by having "one of those nights" as he so aptly put it. The actor introduced legendary music manager Shep Gordon, but during his speech things got fairly jumbled. Watch his memorable appearance below (even if Depp himself doesn't entirely remember it):

So — which awards show is going to outdo this bit of show business, eh? Your move, Golden Globes.