21 Things Your Ugly Sweater Says About You

Besides "I want to go to better parties."

It's the most wonderful time of the year, when one of your friends has the same idea they've had every year: To invite everybody over wearing the most hideous winter clothes imaginable.

'Tis the season of ugly sweater parties, and it's easy to assume any sweater will do. But like the tacky snowflakes stitched on them, every sweater is unique and could be saying something different...

1. "I have a job."

Ever heard of it?

2. "I've already purchased my ticket to 'The Force Awakens.'"

Only 396 days to go...

3. "My bromance will always come first."

4. "I have Madonna arms."

Give the gun show some air.

5. "I like puns."

6. "Like, a lot."

7. "I'm drunk right now."

8. "Don't let the smile fool you -- I crush everyone in my fantasy league."

9. "I can't let go of the past."

If it was your team, you wouldn't either.

10. "I love/screwed up with my girlfriend."

You guys have all been there.

11. "I like bad boys."

...but I never seem to catch them.

12. "All my clothing choices are ironic, not just ugly sweaters."

Also: Guy most likely to order pizza.

13. "I'm in my thirties."

At least, my interests are.

14. "I want to have kids someday."

A sweater that comes with a commitment.

15. "I'll probably ask someone to sit on my lap."

It will be a mistake.

16. "I'm too extreme for this party."

Guess how I drove here?

17. "I'm buff under this."

It's also the guy most likely to take his shirt off.

18. "I'm an outcast, but also a leader."

19. "I'm on the rebound."

Show me the mistletoe!

20. "I'm emotionally unavailable."

Did somebody say something about a rebound?

21. "I take this party WAY too seriously."

It's almost always the host.