Everyone has a friend with some half-baked concept of how best to avoid a drunk driving charge, from putting a penny under your tongue to refusing to take a breathalyzer test. Of course, the actual list of ways to avoid a DUI is very short:

1. Don't drive while intoxicated. (End of list.)

Still, a Connecticut man gets points -- off his license, anyway -- for alleged creativity. According to police, 40-year-old Kenneth Desormes attempted to devour the results of his breathalyzer test. Yes. With his mouth.

Authorities say they pulled over Desormes for speeding at 5:30 Sunday morning, and took him into custody. He allegedly blew a 0.13%, well over the .08% legal blood-alcohol limit.

At the station, police say, Desormes -- in a last-ditch effort to destroy the evidence, and a gross misunderstanding of how to appear sober -- seized the printed results of his test and tried to stuff the paper down his throat. All he apparently managed to do, however, was add charges of obstructing governmental administration and criminal tampering to the original DUI charge.

And you thought your beer munchies were bad.