Since November — the mustachiest of all months — is just starting and since Movember is supposed to be a happy time of celebration and charity, I'd hate to start things off with an argument.
But sometimes you just have to speak your mind.
Lots of people will share their opinions about which actor can grow the best under-nose bush, or which movie mustache was better than another, but I want to put all of that to bed right now.
The answers are as follows: Daniel Day-Lewis and "There Will Be Blood."
Just look at that thing.
The mustache is doing Oscar-worthy acting while perched on the face of an Oscar-winning actor.
It adds so much to Daniel Plainview that I literally cannot imagine him without it.
And I know what you're going to say. "But, but, but Daniel Day-Lewis' mustache in 'Gangs of New York' was better."
And while that was a great mustache and what most people would call a superior mustache, most people are wrong.
Don't be fool by waxed curls. When we're talking about the things that really matter (volume and shape, obviously), there is no comparison.
Daniel Plainview's mustache is the best of movie history.
Now I hope you can carry on your Movember in peace. Head over to the official site to learn about ways to donate.