Everybody knows what it's like to go trick-or-treating as a kid and walk away with a bunch of cheap spider rings and hard candy garbage. It essentially ruins the most wonderful, sugar-fueled day of the year for poor little innocent children.
So to avoid being "that guy" who hands out the crap candy this year, here is our definitive ranking of Halloween candies. (Sugar craving side effects included.)
395-397. Smarties, those colored Tootsie Roll things, and literally any hard candy.
If you hand these to innocent children on Halloween, you are quite possibly the devil.
Bonus points for texture.
12. Candy Corn
Sure, it's "basic" -- but why mess with a Halloween great?
11. Gummi Life Savers
(The same does not apply to regular Life Savers.)
10. Tootsie Roll Pops
Mostly the blue ones.
9. Three Musketeers
These are ranked lower than their Milky and Snicker-y counterparts because their lack of caramel, but on the other hand, the light and fluffy whipped center means you can eat more of them without feeling full.
Give me a break -- these are perfection.
Sour, crunchy, and undoubtedly fun to consume.
6. Peanut M&M's
Are these guys a little boring? Sure. But they're also one of the Lord's finest creations, so.
5. Milky Way
So close, but not as great as...
BOOM. If you're hungry, seriously, why wait? Snickers are basically a meal replacement, in the best possible way. You're checking all the boxes, here, with nougat, caramel, AND peanuts.
Something about getting a Twix just feels so unique and special.
2. Regular Reese's
Reese's has, and always will be, the ultimate luxury for any child or adult. This is also the candy your parents are most likely to steal from your stash, so proceed with caution.
1. Reese's Pumpkin
You just hit the jackpot, kid.
Vote for your favorite Halloween candy in the poll, and defend your choice in the comments. Just know that if you disagree with us, you're wrong.