Piotr Naskrecki

This Spider's As Big As A Puppy Because Nightmares Are Real

Thanks, Mother Nature.

How's your day going? Maybe you're all snuggled up under a blanket with a pumpkin spice latte as an autumn chill nips at your earlobes? Well, I'm sorry to crush your perfect evening, but there is a GIGANTIC SPIDER DOG and it is REAL.

This spider is actually as big as a dog.

And no, it's not just an adorable dog wearing a spider costume.

IT'S A REAL SPIDER THAT'S REALLY BIG AS A DOG.

Scientist Piotr Naskrecki was strolling through a rainforest in Guyana a few weeks ago when he felt something big and fuzzy brush past his leg. (Are you freaking out? I'm freaking out.)

Like any good scientist, he immediately whipped out his flashlight to investigate the offending critter, expecting to see an opossum or something similar. (Does this guy not watch horror movies? Run, bro. RUN.)

What he found was an abominable creature known as the South American Goliath birdeater. It's the largest spider in the world, spanning about a foot in length and weighing in at 6 ounces.

Oh, and it has 2-inch-long fangs.

Naskrecki told LiveScience that the spider's venom is relatively harmless to humans, but, if you're bitten, it feels like something is "driving a nail through your hand." (Harmless, he says...)

If you'd like to avoid meeting this eight-legged monster IRL, stay far, far away from South America. Better clear out of the entire Western Hemisphere just to be safe.