Today is a special day in which we celebrate the 29th year of our savior, Peter Gene Hernandez, aka Bruno Mars. Hooligans the world over -- including myself -- are busy Photoshopping our faces onto Frieda Pinto's body and
awkwardly attempting to make sweet, sweet gorilla-sex-dragon love to a framed photo giving thanks for the miracle of Mars.
It may be Bruno's birthday, but, ironically, the real gift belongs to us -- ask any and every Hooligan, and they'll tell that you Bruno himself is the real, well, "Treasure." (See what I did there? See? SEE?) Here's why.
1. Hair game strong.
Really feelin' sorry for the sad state of every other faves' hair affairs.
2. That patented Marsian wink.
I may or not may not have practiced this in the mirror. I may or may not be winking now. (Hint: I MAY BE WINKING!)
3. Those eyes.
Yup, I cropped your girlfriend out, and YES I may crop out that lady behind. I DON'T LIKE THE WAY SHE'S STANDING SO CLOSE TO YOU!
4. You see my flawlessness.
Finally, someone gets it.
5. You're the rare kind of man who learns from his mistakes.
Please bottle this and sell it.
6. You're super dramatic...
... In the rare good way.
7. Your perfectly inappropriate sense of humor.
Oh my God, no you don't! Stop! You're SO crazy!
8. Red suit game like EX-SKAH-YOOZE ME?
Somebody bring me some water.
9. OH MY GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
You and me baby makin'.... Please give me some privacy for, like, three to eight minutes. A little discretion, please, while I gaze into this photo in hopes it'll impregnate me. Because, BRUUUUUH!
10. Oh yeah, AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS...
11. OH MY LAWD, AND THIS!!!