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The Terrifying Reason Why The Moon Will Turn Blood Red

Did I say "terrifying"? I meant "scientifically accurate."

A total lunar eclipse will be visible above much of the Americas on Wednesday (October 8), and I know what you must be asking yourself: Are the gods punishing us? Was our harvest not sufficient? Are witches to blame? And what of the Mole People. Will they exploit our moment of moon-related weakness to seize control of the Surface World?

Relax, stupid. A lunar eclipse -- often called a "blood moon" for some needlessly terrifying reason -- is a naturally occurring phenomenon that you have no reason to fear. Here's everything you need to know about Wednesday's lunar eclipse, explained in the least alarmist manner possible.

The Blood Moon...

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...will be visible over much of the Americas, Australia and East Asia, according to BBC News. The eclipse will begin at approximately 4:00 a.m. ET and reach its totality at around 6:25 a.m. ET.

A Blood Moon...

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...occurs when the Moon passes behind the Earth and is entirely eclipsed by our planet's shadow. The term "blood moon" was first used by Galileo in 1603 when he realized that the Moon's entire surface area pools into rivers of blood during the lunar wet season. JK, it's just 'cause it's red.

This Blood Moon...

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...is the second lunar eclipse to take place this year. The next blood moon is expected to occur on April 4, 2015. And with that, [INSERT VINCENT PRICE LAUGH HERE].