"Girl Code" tackled a huge topic in this season's premiere, "Sexuality." In the discussion, the topic of casual sex comes up. Now, it's certainly not for everyone. If you are interested though, you should really think it all the way through first. Learning how to have a one-night stand can mean the difference between it feeling like a mistake and a simple right of passage. And when there’s unnecessary shame associated with sleeping around (especially for women), it’s hard to find proper guidance. For you and your not-so-serious partner’s sake, it’s best to answer the following questions before hooking up.
Watch the full episode here:
1. Am I A Virgin?
Casual sex can be a great way to gain experience, but when it's your only experience it can bring on more baggage than sex in a relationship. That doesn't mean your first time has to be perfect (because it totally wont be), but don't have a one-night stand just to get over with either.
2. Do I Have Protection?
You don't have to be a boy scout to always be prepared. Planned Parenthood and other clinics are literally giving condoms away. Plus, stores sell them to you even if you can't stop giggling.
3. Am I Comfortable Talking About Condoms?
As experience has unfortunately shown, having a condom isn't enough. You have to be able to say, "Can you put this on or leave?" Asking that doesn't make things weird - having unprotected sex because you're afraid of being awkward does.
4. Do I Want A Relationship?
If you know that you want a committed relationship from this guy, then you don't need to experiment to figure that out. Casual sex is the opposite of what you're looking for and likely keeping you from pursuing what you really want.
5. Am I Being Honest With Myself?
Having a one-night stand despite wanting a relationship is often a symptom of being dishonest with yourself. There's no shame in casual sex, but there's also no shame in admitting that it's not for you.
6. Is This About My Ex?
A rebound can sometimes be a necessary part of a the healing process post breakup. But guess what? Having sex because you're sad about someone else isn't casual, it's emotional and you don't want to bring that into a one-night stand.
7. Is This About My Childhood?
It's crucial to draw a thick line between experimenting sexually and acting out sexually. According to Clinician William Lent (LCSW) such acting out is often due to childhood trauma. A one-night stand only prolongs the process of getting help, which is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
8. What Do I Know About This Guy?
Mainly, do you have mutual friends and has he slept with anyone you know? It may not be a deal breaker for a fling, but it's definitely not something you want to find out after the fact. Sure, it's a one-night stand and not a research project, but a little last minute homework can save you from regret later on.
9. Was He Nice To Me?
You don't have to walk around rewarding kindness with sex. Still, you never want to hook up with someone in an attempt to get them to be nice to you.
10. Where Are We Going?
It's a one-night stand and you didn't clean your room? Ignore the mess, because he will. If you know only a little about the guy it's best to bring him back to your apartment. It's an environment you control and call things off if you're no longer comfortable.
11. Does Anyone Know Where I Am?
One-night stands can be as sexually liberating as they are concerning to the friends you went out with. Be cautious and check in with the people looking out for you. It's as simple as texting, "Hey, I went back to my apartment with that non-murdery looking dude."
12. Am I Sober?
Casual sex is like driving a car. When you're wasted you endanger yourself and others by doing it. When you're drunk you don't even have enough impulse control to deal with pizza responsibly, and you think you can handle a one-night stand? If the hookup can only happened because of alcohol, you're going to feel a lot worse than hungover after it.