If Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat, Then Howard Is Not A Duck

But she's totally a cat so everything's okay, okay? Okay.

Real talk, people. Hello Kitty is a cat. Look at her!

That! That is a cartoon cat! But somehow, the Internet is ablaze with crazy talk that Hello Kitty isn’t a cat. Which is interesting, because Hello Kitty is totally a cat. Because, if Hello Kitty is not a cat, then…

Howard the Duck …

… is not a duck.

And Scrooge McDuck…

… is also not a duck. He’s just a McDuck, from Duckburg. Definitely not a duck.

And that does not make sense.

If Hello Kitty is not a cat and these ducks are not ducks, then folks like…

Goofy…

… is not a dog.

And Mickey and Minnie Mouse…

… are not mice.

And Mighty Mouse…

… also not a mouse.

It gets worse. If Hello Kitty is not a cat, if Howard and Scrooge are not ducks, if Goofy is not a dog and if Mickey, Minnie and Mighty Mouse are not mice, then…

Rex from “Toy Story”…

… okay, well, he’s not an actual dinosaur, but he’s a toy dinosaur, and we’re counting it.

And the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…

… are not pizza-eating turtles.

And Pizza the Hutt…

… is not a turtle-fearing pizza. And that guy? He is totally pizza, and probably afraid of turtles.

Do not let the Internet fool you on this one. This crazy “Hello Kitty is not a cat” talk is exactly that — crazy talk. Hello Kitty is a cat. Hello Kitty is absolutely a cat. She is a kitty! It says so in the name!

HELLO, YOURSELF!

If Hello Kitty is not a cat, then, as a wise man once sang, “Black is white, up is down, and short is long, and everything you used to think was so important doesn’t really matter anymore, because the simple fact remains that everything you know is wrong.”

So listen up, Hello Kitty. You are a cat. Stop saying you are not a cat. You are. A cat. A cartoon cat with feels and good fashion sense, yes — but a cat all the same.

(Unless Hello Kitty is actually a bunny, in which case, whew, this is awkward.)

Likes pizza, punch and pie. Dislikes the Chitauri.
@roundhoward