No offense, Beyonce. Your 16-minute Michael Jackson Video Vanguard VMA performance was a quarter-hour more of you than we unwashed, mortal basic peasantry deserve. You could've walked onstage and read a Cracker Barrel menu for 16 minutes straight, and I would've been like:
A better dancer, daughter, and human than any of us are, Blue graced us with her unparalleled clapping skills, total chill, adorable dress, and overall flawlessness. No other two-year-old demonstrates a commitment to living so flaw-free. She gave me and her fellow worshippers so much life, and it was life that we so desperately needed. And so, to thank Blue Ivy, we've put together this VMA tribute video to our celebrate your best VMA moment since, well, "Love On Top" (even if that was a little before your time).