TV

‘True Blood’: Every Question The Series Finale Forgot To Answer

What about the sex dreams?!

[Warning: Major spoilers for the "True Blood" finale are ahead!]

After seven long years, 77 lace dresses, and 777 utterances of the word “Sookeh!”, “True Blood” finally came to an end on Sunday (August 24).

Many questions were answered during “Thank You,” like, “will Sookie kill Bill because Bill wants her to have babies?” (yes), and “will many major characters be left out completely in favor of new faces like Brigette” (also yes), but fans were still left with multiple burning questions that will haunt us for the rest of an Eric Northman’s lifespan-esque eternity. Below are some of our favorites:

Where was Lafayette?

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One of the roughest parts about the “True Blood” series finale was the complete lack of screen time (well, okay, he showed up in the epilogue but literally said zero words) for Lafayette. It’s great that the show finally gave him a solid love interest/plot that didn’t consist of cleaning up everyone else’s messes for the final season, but it did feel like they wrapped him up as neatly as they could a few weeks back at that party, then forgot about him.

Sure, there were other A-characters on the show with more pressing needs to address, but did we really need fifteen minutes of Brigette but not one single utterance of the word “hooker” from one of the show’s greatest B-characters? For shame.

Who was the beard-y brown-haired dude?

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See him there, at the end of that table? Yeah, we have no clue who he is, either.

It was great that the show had Sookie kill off Bill in the show’s final present-day moments, even if it was due to a gametime decision from Bill that Sookie really needed to have babies (more on that in a second). It was a ballsy decision that allowed Sookie to assert who she was a person — by keeping her light rather than extinguishing it at Bill’s request– and we applaud them for that.

But still, who was that bearded, brown-haired man she ended up marrying and having children with? And is she stuck with an eternity of reading her own husband’s thoughts? We’ll be wondering for the rest of our days, “True Blood.”

Why was Bill suddenly all into antiquated gender norms?

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This was a biggie. There isn’t a “True Blood” fan on earth who doesn’t like Hoyt and Jessica together, but this is a show about complicated, nontraditional relationships — sexual and otherwise — so to have their plot line wrapped up so neatly, marriage style, on Bill’s orders was strange, to say the least.

Like, Jessica is a vampire. It was a bit strange to see Bill suddenly so insistent on Sookie having children, as it never seemed to be the number one priority for Sookie before — especially given her often unhappy relationship with the world around her — but at least the whole “I want you to have what everyone else has” narrative made sense when it came to Bill and Sook. They’d discussed it, to some extent, before.

But for Jessica, who would never be able to have with Hoyt what Sookie has with her human beardy-man, the marriage plot (hey, that’s a book!) felt forced and honestly kind of wrong. Why did Bill feel the need to essentially force her into a marriage with Hoyt, her boyfriend of a single day, when this marriage would absolutely 100 percent later cause a ton of pain for both parties? Why was he all, “human-vampire relationship BAD” with Sookie, but “human-vampire relationship YAY” with Jessica? Why would Jessica even need to be “spoken for,” since she’s a badass creature of the night with superhuman abilities? Had Bill been listening to that Magic! song on repeat, or something?

Again, for a show that had been so liberal over the years with relationships, the whole “everybody is married with babies now, hooray” ending felt very forced.

How was Jason’s daughter nine years old ‘three years later’?

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Did Jason’s eldest daughter have some fairy genes, or something? Because, for “three years later,” she sure looked to be at least five or six years old when she tackled him on Thanksgiving.

Should we hate Pam and Eric, now?

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Okay, okay, so we could never actually hate Pam and Eric. Their little infomercial at the end was glorious, and it was great to see them have a financially happy ending.

BUT. Did that happy ending have to come with our favorite duo becoming a two-man pharmaceutical company, exploiting the pain of millions of vampires and making them reliant on “New Blood” for the rest of eternity? And did Sarah — who was evil, for sure, but if this show has taught us anything it’s that everyone is capable of some redemption — deserve the shockingly cruel fate she was given? Wasn’t it all just a little bit much?

Will Jason still have sex dreams about Eric?

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Sorry, sorry — this one isn’t technically a burning question. We just really wanted to use this super important GIF one last time.

What did you think of the finale, Truebies? Did you like how it all wrapped up? Did you have any additional burning questions the show forgot to answer?

A real go-getter.
@ShaunnaLMurphy