Somebody call the State Bar of California’s finest ambulance chaser, because I might be in need of a neck brace after the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards Pre-Show. I mean, did you see all the air-slicing, whiplash-inducing hair-ography that Fifth Harmony whipped out? I cannot be the only one feeling some major sympathy pangs right now, right?
The Artist To Watch nominees performed their single, “Bo$$,” on the VMA red carpet, flowing up and down and all around like they were all playing Beyoncé in a full-length theatrical retelling of the “Déjà Vu” video. (Most things can be explained in terms of Beyoncé videos, FYI.) The bottom line is that all five ladies were clearly on their Michelle Obama sh-t, and I think I speak for all of us when I say FOUR MORE YEARS.
Following that was 5H’s fellow Artist To Watch nominee, Charli XCX, who unleashed her “Fault In Our Stars” soundtrack banger, “Boom Clap,” looking like some flawlessly unholy combination of Cher Horowitz and Courtney Shane. Boom! Clap! The sound of my eulogy.
Strap on your Life Alert bracelet, and stay tuned for all of the headlining performances at the 2014 VMAs!