"Shower thoughts" has long been a crowd-pleasing favorite on Reddit, largely because most of us think of some really weird crap when we're alone in the shower. The Internet is the safe place we can go to write these thoughts down without judgment -- or at least it was, before Nick Offerman (via Mashable) went ahead and picked some of the best ones and read them out loud. For the entire, Ron Swanson-loving world to see.
"If Hilary Clinton wins in 2016, it'll be the first time two presidents have had sex with each other," he muses in his signature Swanson deadpan. (Though we imagine the "real" Ron Swanson would have more aggressive opinions on the Clinton family.)
"My right elbow has never been touched by my right hand," he adds.
For more gruff, manly wisdom-bombs from Swanson/Offerman (and numerous, nameless shower people) check out the video below. Also, isn't it possible that the book "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" was secretly ghostwritten by Ayn Rand? Think about it.