7 Things We Do NOT Want To See At The ‘Hunger Games’ Theme Park

We do not volunteer as tribute to go on these rides.

In 2007, Universal Studios Orlando brought joy and wonder to millions of theme park goers when they opened The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, which recreated the books’ village of Hogsmeade as well as its dragons and Hogwarts Castle. The park has been a smashing success — it recently nearly doubled in size — so it’s only logical that Lionsgate would try to replicate this success with “The Hunger Games.”

“In addition to the mobile game partnership and ‘The Hunger Games’ traveling museum we announced on the last call, we’re deep into conversations with prospective partners on four continents to explore theme park attractions and other location-based entertainment opportunities,” Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer recently announced.

Four continents! That’s so exciting! I can’t wait to ride the… wait a minute, isn’t “The Hunger Games” based in a gritty, depressing universe where children kill each other in a nationally televised bloodsport? Isn’t that, I don’t know, slightly less magical than a world where kids have wands and owls and ride around on broomsticks?

Hm. Looks like the creators of the “Hunger Games” parks will have some mountains to climb when it comes to keeping their park as close to the films as possible without being depressing and/or completely terrifying. So to help them, here are 7 things they definitely should not include in the “Harrowing World Of Hunger Games”:

1. That Vomit Juice

the-hunger-games-cocktails Lionsgate

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter has done gangbusters with its Butterbeer, a sugary snack pulled straight from the pages of J. K. Rowling’s books. “The Hunger Games” also has a signature drink of sorts — that vomit juice the Capitol residents imbibe to allow them to purge after a binge — but this isn’t something we’d be interested in purchasing at a theme park.

2. A Restaurant Based On The Hob

Katniss_the_hob Lionsgate

Again, Wizarding World is known for its “Three Broomsticks” restaurant, but we advise Lionsgate to not try to replicate its success with District 12′s primary dining establishment, The Hob. Shepherd’s pie and pumpkin juice is one thing, contraband bunny rabbit that Katniss just shot in the forest is another.

3. A Petting Zoo With Mutts And Tracker Jackers

Ahhh Lionsgate

Nothing involving bees or terrifying mutated creatures with the faces of dead kids, please and thank you.

4. Park Employees Dressed As Peacekeepers

katnissstill Lionsgate

The Districts’ police force — which essentially act as an army for the Capitol — are terrifying, and would be great for a haunted house type of attraction, but their actions hit a litttttle bit too close to home to be appropriate for a theme park. No thank you.

5. A 3-D Experience With Blood Rain

catching-fire-blood-rain Lionsgate

If the park decides to build a ride based on the games, they’re going to have to be careful about what they include. [Fake] Paralyzing fog and lightning storms are one thing, but nobody wants to end up covered in blood — real or otherwise — after they’ve shelled out $100 bucks for a magical theme park experience.

6. A District 13 Playground

district13_ruins Lionsgate

We don’t want to spoil too much about District 13 since “Mockingjay — Part 1″ hasn’t come out yet, but just know that it’s a bombed-out, militaristic underground refugee camp largely populated by violent revolutionists. They don’t even allow kitty cats, which makes it not a great place for children to play.

7. A Ride Where Kids Have To Kill Each Other

HG Lionsgate

Think of the lawsuits!

What do you think the “Hunger Games” park should or should not include?

A real go-getter.
@ShaunnaLMurphy