There are two types of people in this world: those who buy into whacked-out conspiracies like the Illuminati and all of the other rational, level-headed people who don’t.
For the unacquainted, the Illuminati is a supposed secret society that controls every aspect of government and media. Tons of famous people and politicians presumably belong, and they pull all the strings. It’s their world, and we’re just unknowingly programmed and manipulated to live in it. Also, can we all agree this is so NOT happening IRL?
However, there are still the holdouts who hold out hope that the Illuminati are secretly pulling the strings behind the VMAs. We’ve already given you one side of the argument. Read that if you must, but the following 16 reasons why the Illuminati does NOT run the show is really all you need to know, IMHO.
1. The VMAs are fan-voted.
First and foremost, the Illuminati is supposed to be an organization comprised of world elites. But as we all know, the VMAs are voted on by the fans themselves. Ergo, no elitism here!
2. The president is always a no-show.
The U.S. President is apparently a big macher in the Illuminati, but a president has never actually been to the VMAs (the closest we’ve come was The Boss, aka Bruce Springsteen, who performed at the VMAs in 1994, 1997 and 2002) which just doesn’t make sense (side note: this counts as our official invite to President Obama to attend the show on Sunday).
3. There’s a severe lack of triangles.
If the Illuminati are so obsessed with triangular-shaped things, then the stage would obviously always be in the shape of a triangle. But it’s not. Except, of course, for when it totally is.
4. The VMAs have never been in Denver.
The ceremonies have been held in Los Angeles, New York City, Miami and Las Vegas, but never in Denver, where the Illuminati’s headquarters are supposedly based.
5. The VMAs have also never been underground.
Supposedly, the society also loves tunnels and being under the earth for some creepy reason. MTV does not.
6. There’s technology for dayz.
The Illuminati support the end of all industrialization, but the VMAs stage is always ridiculously high-tech. Elaborate sets, props, strobe lights, pyro…you name it, the VMAs has it. Every year, crews spend weeks putting the stages together. Do you really think the Illuminati has the luxury of time?
7. Li’l Kim would’ve worn a symbolic Illuminati pastie in 1999.
Lil’ Kim’s infamous pastie from 1999’s show would’ve been a purple eye if the Illuminati really ran things. Duh.
8. The press on red carpet would be steeped in the occult.
The society supposedly controls all press and media outlets. You can expect to find reporters from the likes of “Billboard” and “People,” but you probably won’t find anyone from “Occult Daily” mag, you know? (That’d bring a whole new meaning to “Stars — they’re just like us,” actually.)
9. The VMAs is one of the most-tweeted about events of the year.
If the Illuminati ran the show, they would shut Twitter down to the ground so viewers couldn’t freely share their thoughts in real time. That’s because the Illuminati are super into mind control and get really freaked out when they can’t control your thoughts and Tweets. The VMAs must be such a frustrating night for them!
10. The Best Artist Website category never would’ve happened.
At the 1999 VMAs, the Red Hot Chili Peppers won the first and only award for Best Artist Website (aww, the ’90s were such a weird time). The Illuminati definitely would’ve never let that category fly, because they’re supposedly anti-Internet. They don’t like how expansive the world wide web is. Basically, they’re giant buzzkills who really need to experience the joys of being online — HELLO, Seamless!
11. The Illuminati hate fashion risks.
The VMAs are billed as “the most unpredictable night” of the year. And it totally is. Every year, something crazy and shocking and magical and thrilling happens. Every. Damn. Year. If the Illuminati love organization and order so much, how could they allow strategic hot messes like last year’s Miley Cyrus performance happen?
13. “Poker Face” was snubbed.
You know how people believe the Illuminati signal their omniscient with their hands over their eyes, like Lady Gaga did in her music video for “Poker Face?” Well, if the Illuminati really did run the VMAs, that video totally would’ve won Best Female Video in 2009, but it didn’t (Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” did instead).
14. Beyonce hasn’t won every VMA she’s been nominated for.
We all know Beyonce is supposedly the all-powerful queen of the Illuminati. If that’s true, why has she only won 14 awards out of the 42 times she’s been nominated (not counting this year)? Who run the world? Not her, apparently.
15. Where are all the owls?
The owl is the society’s symbolic animal. Name a time you remember seeing an owl at the VMAs? Besides Drake, metaphorically speaking. Go ahead, we’ll wait…
16. Finally, there’s nothing secret about the VMAs.
Last but definitely not least, the Illuminati is a secret society. They’re only supposed to meet in private, and you’re never supposed to know who is actually a member. But the VMAs are watched by millions of people all over the world. Sorry, secret society, but you lose again.
So there you have it, folks: the VMAs are NOT Illuminati-controlled. Sorry. There’s always next year!