Hey “Harry Potter” fans, in case you got knocked out by a bludger and have been lying unconscious in the hospital wing, know that J. K. Rowling released a new story today. No, it didn’t update us on the lives of Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the other 38 essential main characters we grew to love over the past two decades, but it did tell the story of one of Rowling’s favorite fringe characters, the singer Celestina Warbeck.
Warbeck, whom Rowling describes as one of her “favorite ’off-stage’ characters in the Harry Potter series,” is given the full biography treatment in the new story, which was released on Today.com via Rowling’s Pottermore site.
We’re floored, naturally, but also getting greedy as a Gringotts robber as we imagine all of the potential Potter fringe characters that should be given the Warbeck treatment. Like these guys, for example:
1. Cuthbert Binns
Binns didn’t appear in any of the “Harry Potter” movies, much like Warbeck, but we’d be fascinated to hear the tale of the most boring man at Hogwarts. (No, seriously, that’s his legacy.)
Binns taught History of Magic until he shriveled up and died of old age — then continued to drop knowledge bombs to the likes of James Potter, Lily Evans, and Sirius Black back in the ’70s and the new class in the ’90s, just as a ghost — but he never managed to lock down a curriculum that engaged his students. Still, we’d be willing to bet that the man who makes everybody fall asleep has a tale to tell that would do exactly the opposite. It’s always the quiet ones.
2. Madam Pomfrey
3. Stan Shunpike and Ernie Prang
Which minor “Harry Potter” characters should get the Warbeck treatment next? Would you pick up a copy of the Crookshanks Chronicles? Let us know in the comments!