J.K. Rowling Needs To Give These 4 ‘Harry Potter’ Characters Their Own Story

Expecto more short stories, please.

Hey “Harry Potter” fans, in case you got knocked out by a bludger and have been lying unconscious in the hospital wing, know that J. K. Rowling released a new story today. No, it didn’t update us on the lives of Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the other 38 essential main characters we grew to love over the past two decades, but it did tell the story of one of Rowling’s favorite fringe characters, the singer Celestina Warbeck.

Warbeck, whom Rowling describes as one of her “favorite ‘off-stage’ characters in the Harry Potter series,” is given the full biography treatment in the new story, which was released on Today.com via Rowling’s Pottermore site.

We’re floored, naturally, but also getting greedy as a Gringotts robber as we imagine all of the potential Potter fringe characters that should be given the Warbeck treatment. Like these guys, for example:

1. Cuthbert Binns
Binns didn’t appear in any of the “Harry Potter” movies, much like Warbeck, but we’d be fascinated to hear the tale of the most boring man at Hogwarts. (No, seriously, that’s his legacy.)

Binns taught History of Magic until he shriveled up and died of old age — then continued to drop knowledge bombs to the likes of James Potter, Lily Evans, and Sirius Black back in the ’70s and the new class in the ’90s, just as a ghost — but he never managed to lock down a curriculum that engaged his students. Still, we’d be willing to bet that the man who makes everybody fall asleep has a tale to tell that would do exactly the opposite. It’s always the quiet ones.

2. Madam Pomfrey

Madame_Pomfrey-HP2 Warner Bros.

Speaking of people who have been at Hogwarts since the Stone Age, Madam Poppy Pomfrey has been treating everything from werewolf bites to bludger bruises since at least the 1970′s. Given her long span of service and her reputation as the school’s gentle healer/army nurse, we think she’s worthy of a story of her own.

3. Stan Shunpike and Ernie Prang

Stan Warner Bros.

Not only did these two experience all the Wizarding World has to offer via their gigs as the conductor and driver of the Knight Bus, but Shunpike spent time in Azkaban — and with the Death Eaters, but only because of the Imperius Curse — making them two of the most fascinating unexplored mass transit characters in the Potterverse, for sure.

4. Crookshanks

ep26pqotw28 Warner Bros.

No one has freer reign over castles — both large and New York City apartment small — than the cats who (in their own minds, at least) own them. Hermione’s cat Crookshanks was always wandering off, leaving muggles and wizards alike to wonder just where in the heck he was, and what he was getting up to. Some of it was probably eating yarn and scratching at toilet paper, but we’re willing to put money on the fact that Mr. Shanks also witnessed a lot of cool, totally clandestine stuff.

Which minor “Harry Potter” characters should get the Warbeck treatment next? Would you pick up a copy of the Crookshanks Chronicles? Let us know in the comments!

A real go-getter.
@ShaunnaLMurphy