Just like R-rated movies, this article and its images are not for kids. Proceed with caution.
Let’s just face it: turning 17 is kind of a bummer. You’re still not 18, so you can’t vote or be legally considered an adult, you still have to go to high school, and you’re most likely still living with mom and dad.
There is one awesome thing about turning the big 1-7 though (besides the fact that you get to have Teenage Fun for another few years): you finally get to see R-rated movies. Sure, maybe that seems like cold comfort, but tell that to the baby-faced 16-year-old who gets asked for ID every. single. time. They probably still haven’t seen “22 Jump Street,” poor souls.
That said, if the beloved animated series “South Park” was a real person and not, well, a cartoon, it would now be able to go to an R-rated movie unaccompanied. Yippee! The pilot episode of the show aired 17 years ago last night. In honor of “South Park”’s big birthday, here are 17 of the show’s most R-rated moments.
1. Towelie turns tricks
May contain some sexual situations. (S)
2. Scott Tenorman eats Mr. and Mrs. Tenorman chili
Eating your parents baked into chili and then being mocked by Radiohead for crying about it? Not a great day for Scott Tenorman.
3. Cartman just can’t stop gaming.
In “Make Love Not Warcraft,” Cartman needs to, uh, make. He devises a way to do so without leaving his computer.
4. Cartman gets his revenge
The only thing better than getting revenge is getting revenge by smearing your poop all over the property of those who have wronged you. Not suitable for children, though.
5. Stan’s dad rediscovers the internet
Spooky, scary! A world without internet! A world with “ghosts” instead of porn.
6. Stan’s dad is saved from alcoholism…
By a statue bleeding out of its butt.
7. The time this guy made out with a llama
The outside world looks down on a man marrying a llama, but their love knows no boundaries
8. George Lucas rapes a franchise
Rated R for adult situations.
9. Mr. Hanky
No, this talking Christmas doody is not for kids.
10. That time there was a giant gay orgy
Adult situation! Confirmed adult situation.
11. Butters tries to give himself liposuction
It’s got the three Gs: graphic, gross and groany.
12. Pretty much anything involving Terrance and Phillip
They know what they did. (Mostly cursing. That’s what they did.)
13. Mr. Mackey sharts his pants
Once you see it, you can’t un-see it.
14. Watching Mr. Garrison get his fancy new vagina
The live-action operation footage. You know. Medicine is spooky.
15. Kenny’s head comes off
16. Kenny gets barbecued
17. The Woodland Critters’ blood orgy
All is calm, all is bright.