Bondara

These Awkward Apps Are Like FitBits For Your Private Parts

Let's get it on...because I need to log my exercise today.

We all know that keeping in shape is a necessary evil for a long, healthy life. But even if you think you’re doing a solid job at it — tracking all your exercise on your smartphone — ask yourself one important question: Are you really getting all the data? What about when you’re burning calories between the sheets?

Two new contraptions, which may LOOK like sex toys, give you a fuller picture on your daily cardio — well, your however often cardio — if you really feel like that’s something you’ve been missing out on. Hey, no judgment here.

For guys, the Bondara SexFit is like a pedometer for your penis. It slips right on, and it apparently helps you get better at sex by assisting you with your rhythmic skillz — a row of LED lights illuminates when you reach the perfect rhythm:

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Sounds sorta cool, if your partner can get past the idea that it looks like she’s hooking up with a robot. And because you’ll want to relive the excitement later, you can get all the stats from the device on your phone. Yep, it comes with its own app that tells you your time (do you really want to know?), calories expended, and even thrusts per minute. It also gives you the option of sharing all that info on social media, but we’re not so cool with that. There is such a thing as TMI, guys.

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For the ladies, there’s the Skea, which stands for “Smart Kegel Exercise Aid.” The idea behind it is that you should be exercising your pelvic muscles, but — since that’s boring as hell — this is basically a video game for Kegels. You insert a weird, pink, hook-shaped thing inside you, and then the app on your phone detects every pelvic contraction you make.

Then, you can play an in-app game called “Alice in Continent” where you move your avatar around obstacles like “lava leaks” and “collagen elixirs” by contracting. And on top of that, it sends a vibration down there every time you do something right. Man, this thing is too smart for its own good.

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Both of these awkward (but also kinda fun-sounding?) devices aren’t available to buy yet, but they’re proof that a new fitness trend is apparently upon us. Yep, the future is here…and in the future, we all have really, really well-trained crotches. Tell us: Would you use one of these sexercisers? Let us know in the comments!