Being dateless at a wedding guarantees you’ll be quarantined with the other desperate singles. Add an open bar and a hotel room, and it’s amazing that anyone makes it past dinner with conditions so conducive for fooling around. If you’re single at enough weddings, you’ll eventually hook up with most (or all) of the following guests. No, we’re not including the bride or groom themselves — but these hookups aren’t necessarily a better idea…
1. The Maid Of Honor / The Best Man
Their job — setting a classy tone for the older guests while setting a fun tone for the younger guests — is probably harder than anyone’s, and that includes a dad who’s giving away his daughter. No wonder they tend to party the hardest as the night goes on.
A single maid of honor is going to have one thing on her mind (not being single anymore) and as for the best man, it’s impossible not to seem like an emotionally available catch when you have enough charisma to pull off a heartfelt speech. That tux doesn’t hurt, either.
2. The Crasher
They’re the life of the party, but don’t know anyone besides the bartender. They can seem like the best type of wedding hookup, because you never have to see them again, but how much do you really know about this person? (Aside from the fact they’re happy to steal a free meal and live life according to Vince Vaughn?) Be smart and pass on this action.
3. The Romantic
Weddings are like the Super Bowl for romantics. Easily caught up in the ambiance of the occasion, they’re very available for any romantic encounter. Be warned, no condom will protect you from becoming a part of their rom-com, and you might wake up in a relationship.
4. The Anti-Romantic
You are not just a notch on this cynic’s bedpost; you’re another point they’re making in a philosophical argument against monogamy. In fact, they only came to the wedding to debate that topic. Their personality acts as an emotional contraceptive, unless you’re also a bitter anti-romantic. Love works in mysterious and ironic ways. Cue rom-com.
5. The Diva
It’s not just the bride’s day — it’s the Diva’s day, too, because every day is. Hooking up at a wedding is just another attention-seeking act. They might leave the reception with you, but not unless everybody notices first. That should turn you off to the idea entirely.
6. The Employee
This type of hookup is low-maintenance because (like the Crasher) you probably won’t run into them again, and they’re a better choice because (unlike the Crasher) at least they have a job. It can be a waiter or bartender, but when it’s the DJ, you know you have a type…and not a good one.
7. The Family Friend
Hooking up with anyone you have a long personal history with has serious implications. So when you put that dynamic in a wedding reception, there’s nothing casual about it; you’re going to be in a relationship with them now. They can and will call your mother.
8. Girl Who Got The Bouquet / Guy Who Got The Garter
You have an opening line, courtesy of wedding traditions. If you don’t use it, someone else will.
9. The Ex
It’s a little uncomfortable when the bride’s or groom’s ex is at a wedding, and extremely uncomfortable when they arrive stag. But this rejected lover accepted the (pity) invite — and now it’s time for them to lie in the lonely bed they made for themselves, perhaps with you in it. A hookup will make you feel like you’re giving the bride and groom an extra gift of a little less awkwardness.