Let’s just get this straight, you guys: Bradley Cooper is not a raccoon.
But he plays one in the movies, so we don’t blame you for being confused.
Fortunately, Cooper’s appearance last night at the “Guardians of the Galaxy” premiere should help fans everywhere positively identify the differences between Bradley Cooper and a raccoon.
Although they both have dark markings around their eyes, please note that Bradley Cooper’s “mask” is a pair of sunglasses. ’Cause he’s not a raccoon.
Actually, raccoons can’t even wear sunglasses, because their ears are in the wrong place to hold them up. Bradley Cooper’s ears, however, are PERFECT.
Here is Bradley Cooper not being hunted by Old Yeller.
Pro tip: If it’s a Hollywood actor, you use your phone to take a selfie. If it’s a raccoon, you use your phone to call animal control.
This angle clearly demonstrates Bradley Cooper’s lack of a long, bushy tail with distinctive dark striations.
Because he is not a raccoon, Bradley Cooper doesn’t fear for his safety when posing with a notorious boiler of small, furry animals.
Chris Pratt goes for the double high five from his favorite fellow
When was the last time you saw this face peering out of your garbage can at 3:00am? Never, that’s when. UNLESS YOU’RE REALLY LUCKY.
Unlike a raccoon, Bradley Cooper is content to pose politely with a wax figurine of Tony Stark and does not attempt to crawl up his pant leg.
Bradley Cooper confirms to a member of the press that he is not, in fact, a raccoon.
Plus, he’s much taller than a raccoon. Like, definitely at least four inches taller.