F–k Brunch, This Toaster Lets You Eat Your Own Selfies

Your narcissism is now part of a complete and nutritious breakfast.

You must be pretty proud of your face, considering how often you post it on Facebook and Instagram — but does it taste as good as it looks? Well, you no longer have to resort to masochistic cannibalism to find out! Thanks to the Vermont Novelty Toaster Corporation, you can enjoy bread seared with your visage and wash it down with O.J. and 2%.

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Here’s the sales pitch:

“You don’t have to be famous or Jesus to have your face on toast! Give us a hi rez photo of a face or pet and let our toast engineers create fun breakfast memories! Allow up to a week to create and ship.”


Fair warning, your face is only on one side of the slice, and “fine detail is darn near impossible to achieve with heat and toast. If we squint and can’t see your face we will cancel order and refund your purchase.” #NoFilter

Also, the toaster costs $75, which is perhaps a bit steep, but imagine your lover’s priceless reaction the morning after a one-night stand (specifically, fleeing in terror). Yeah, better stick to the cute bistro down the street — it’s cuter than your mug on pumpernickel.