Everybody loves nationally recognized holidays. They’re amazing! You can sleep in, you don’t have to go to work unless you’re a waiter or public transportation operator or a whole bunch of other professions besides “office worker,” and most importantly, most of them come with an excuse to eat a whole lot of food. Heaven.
But do you know which holidays aren’t so great, Bob? Movie holidays. Specifically ones like “Purge Day” from “The Purge” and its sequel, “The Purge: Anarchy.” (But wasn’t the first one kind of anarchy-ish too, since everybody let loose and was killing each other and what not? Eh, who am I to ask questions.)
Still, Purge Day is far from being the only horrible movie holiday offender. Below are a whole bunch of cinematic nationally recognized holidays that make going to work seem super awesome:
1. Purge Day, “The Purge” (And “The Purge: Anarchy”)
First of all, if I’m going to enjoy a day off, hunkering in my bed watching reruns of “Doctor Who” on Netflix, I’d like to do it without the constant threat of getting murdered by that girl who threatened me on Twitter when I said I didn’t love the latest episode of “Scandal,” thank you very much.
But more importantly, I feel really sorry for the petty criminals who want to celebrate Purge Day by graffiti tagging or drag racing or robbing a liquor store, but they can’t because there are literal murderers running around with machine guns. It’s just not fair that this holiday discriminates against small-time crooks in favor of murderers. Might I suggest two Purge Days? That might even the playing field.
2. The Reaping, “The Hunger Games”
3. Last Day, “Logan’s Run”
4. The Choosing Ceremony, “Divergent”
But look. In practice, the Choosing Ceremony is actually the worst. What they don’t tell you is, if you choose a faction and don’t quite fit in, you cannot go home and are literally forced to be homeless. Also, especially in Dauntless, there’s a very good chance that you will die via jumping off a train mere minutes after the Ceremony takes place. No thanks, I’ll be in Amity sucking down some of that peace serum.
5. The May Day Celebration, “The Wicker Man” (1973)
6. Yekaterina Bridge Day, “Snowpiercer”
7. The Big Hunt, “The 10th Victim”