This Might Be The Best, Worst ‘Harry Potter’ Theory Ever

Weasley is our king.

If you believe, seven years after the publication of the seventh and final “Harry Potter” book, that there are no secrets of the wizarding world left to be explored, then you may want to grab hold of something before reading what we’re about to tell you.

There’s more. There is so much more. Specifically, there is a small but growing and very vocal contingent of truthers who have compelling evidence that Ron Weasley and Dumbledore are the same person.

Did you scream? Are you weeping? Did you peer through the tentacles of Cthulhu and see the entire Potterverse in one brilliant, horrible flash?

Like all theories worth theorizing about, this one has a portmanteau – “Ronbledore” – and devoted fanbase, most notable among them being The Toast writer Mallory Ortberg (who has dedicated herself to the Ronbledore cause with increasing, hilarious fervor.)

The hypothesis is as follows: that Dumbledore is, in fact, an aged Ron Weasley, who transported himself far into the past in an attempt to prevent the first rise of Lord Voldemort and its attendant tragedies from ever coming to pass.

Is it possible? Let’s just say the evidence is all there, as laid out compellingly in this 2004 post on a Harry Potter forum. There’s their shared history with Cockroach Clusters. There’s the significance of socks. There’s the fact that Young Dumbledore, as seen in flashback, has the same red hair as one Ron Weasley. And it also explains why time travel, which was treated so casually in “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” was inexplicably never used or even proposed as a plot device again, ever: because time travel is the secret backbone of the whole entire Potterverse. Think about it!

Or, y’know, don’t think about it. Do you really need to think about it? What did thinking ever do for anyone? Just accept the gospel of Ronbledore into your heart, and be free.