Tonight Derek Jeter is playing in his 14th and final All-Star Game. A lot has happened to you since The Captain appeared in his first Midsummer Classic. No, we’re not reading your personal blog. These major changes have happened to everyone (so don’t worry, we’re not gonna tell everyone where you’ve sprouted hair since 1998). We know how Jeter has changed, he became a first-ballot Hall-Of-Famer and dated every sexy girl in America, but we’re turning the focus on you.
1. Your Phone Became Your Best Friend
In 1999, NTT Docomo created the first mass-released smartphone in Japan. We thank you from the bottom of our tumor-filled brains!
2. You Started Stalking On Facebook
Facebook was launched on February 4, 2004. You still haven’t been signed out for more than five minutes. What’s your ex doing right now? You better go check again.
3. You Look At Photos Of Your Friends’ Food
With Instagram’s October 2010 launch, it’s hard to believe we’ve only been able to have pictures of crappy meatloaf for four years.
4. Your Parent’s Prius Became Cool
The Prius was first introduced to the US in 2000, allowing your parents to boast they’re saving the world.
5. Star Wars Tried To Ruin Your Life
All three prequels were released since Jeter’s first All-Star game and Jar-Jar Binks is 15 years old now. Feel free to start crying.
6. You Think In 140 Character Sentences Now
This is neither the hammertime nor the hammerplace for parachute pants.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 14, 2014
Twitter started in 2006 and now we never watch TV “alone.”
7. Lebron James Became Your Favorite Player, Then Most-Hated, And Then…?
Lebron was 12 years old in 1998. Most people in Akron didn’t even know him. Now the entire world does and everyone has an opinion about him.
8. You Procrastinate By Watching Funny Animal Videos
YouTube started in 2005 and our computer lives have never been the same.
9. You’ve Googled Yourself
If you told someone you did this before 1998, they would’ve thought it was a new term for masturbation…which it kinda is still.