It sounds like comparing apples and oranges, but scientists are connecting apples and orgasms. According to an Italian study in the Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics titled "Apple Consumption Is Related To Better Sexual Quality Of Life In Young Women" (spoiler alert) an apple a day keeps your sex life awesome.
Out of 731 ladies surveyed, all ranging in age from 18 to 43, the 343 who ate apples on a daily basis "had a significantly higher...lubrication domain" (insert your own "apple juice" joke here) and satisfaction levels in bed. No participants in either group were "complaining of any sexual disorders," and benefits were seen from one or two apples per day -- ladies don't need to binge on Braeburns and Honeycrisps all day long.
"This study suggests a potential relationship between regular daily apple consumption and better sexuality in our young women population," the researchers concluded, potentially due to the fruit's compound phloridzin, which is extremely similar to a female sex hormone. Also, its antioxidants and polyphenols could improve blood flow to the sexual organs.
In other words: Your teacher-parent conference role-play tonight just got more realistic.