It’s beach season, and dudes are out there trying to look as alpha as possible on the boardwalk — but that doesn’t mean you should reverse-Pinocchio yourself into a human toy just to compete with the biggest, best-looking guys on the pontoon boat this summer. (Also: Don’t spend over $100,000 to look like Bieber, OK?)
If you must change your body, do it naturally at the gym — uh, y’know, like Carrot Top. Otherwise you might end up like these experiments of science…
1. The Guy Who’s A “Human Ken Doll”
Proudly calling himself “The Human Ken Doll,” Justin Jedlica has undergone 149 cosmetic procedures to look like a Mattel toy. You’ve gotta give it to him: He’s got the look down (especially the hair, which shines gloriously). But the real problem with chasing the “Ken doll” dream is that it leads, inevitably, to the removal of your genitals.
2. The Guy Whose Man-Boobs Can Dance
We hate to dredge this guy up after Brazil received such a shameful shellacking last Tuesday, but the Brazilian bodybuilder known online as “Synthol Man” (who reportedly claims that his body is natural) makes us appreciate a leaner physique.
If you do get muscle implants or injections, they’ll look weird, like you’re smuggling mangoes, subcutaneously. Oh yeah, and this might happen…
3. The Guy Whose Man-Boob EXPLODED From Bacteria
“In a way, it looks like I have two different bodies joined together,” he told a TLC reality series. “There’s no other word than freaky, or feeling like a freak that something’s gone wrong with you. … I was stupid to have the surgery done in the first place when there was really nothing wrong with my body to start with.”
4. The Guy Whose Calf Implants Are The Size Of A Cow
Furious Pete is a Canadian fitness guru, competitive eater and vlogger. He started eating competitively in 2007, five years after being hospitalized for anorexia (impressive turnaround, huh?). Furious Pete is aware that his implants look strange, and wishes that he had never gotten the surgery. You know muscle implants are bad if a guy that once ate 15 hamburgers in 10 minutes regrets putting them into his body. (Update: OK, this one might be fake, but we’ll leave it up here for being so disturbing regardless.)
5. The First Guy Who Ever Got Plastic Surgery
6. The Guys Who Made It A Family Activity